picture rant...home?

That's the Sh. Zayed Road skyline from the shipyard.... Home is going down the tubes.... it was for a while... now everyday it gives new meaning to the phrase 'rock bottom'

im tired

Never Meant To Be Part 2.. And Then There Were Some

This was the second essay i wrote for the University of Texas... its supposed to be on a personal/political/school related/local/international issue i think is important and the relevance to my society/community/family/generation... i wrote on indifference...

I was at a train station. We were walking towards our platform when I spotted a lady dressed in rags sitting on the floor. She held both her hands in front of her and looked from one to the other. When I looked more carefully, I realized that she was holding a blade in one hand. Shocked, I silently passed.

I’m in a car on a main road in Delhi. When I take a look around, I see a countless number of fruit carts that are the livelihood of the people standing behind them. I see rickshaw drivers, toiling in the afternoon heat. Those same rickshaws serve as their beds for the night.

When I reflect on these images and countless others that have made an impact on me, I do feel moved. I read articles and I hear politicians talk inanely about the fight against poverty and the eradication of hunger, but I feel that we have strayed from the real issue. I don’t want to talk about poverty. I don’t want to talk about hunger and struggle because I know that these are issues that have almost become trivial and mundane in today’s world. I want to talk about myself. I want to reflect on my reaction to these social issues. Why did I silently walk past that lady at the train station? Why didn’t I sit down with her and talk to her? What made me react so indifferently? Here lies the real issue.

The problems with society do not root from an inactive government or an irresponsible president. The problem lies in the grass roots of the individual. Why have colleges made social commitment a requirement? Has that innate sense of humility and modesty perished to such a state that society must demand it from today’s youth? The fundamental issue is this: we have all been given the opportunity to make a decision. However, we would rather be disillusioned by a false imagery of a perfect world rather than contribute to our local community. Social service has become a burden rather than a personal choice.

I have come to the realization that nobody can be blamed for inaction. What does not affect us directly becomes immaterial to us. We see the struggle within our own local community and persist to ignore it presuming that either it will take care of itself, or the government will fix it.

The significance of such an attitude to me, my family, or my generation is in itself the crux of my point. I feel that as a potential change agent and leader, I did not move to action until I was provided some motivation by either my school, or my seniors. At that time, the idea of social service to me was to a certain extent an obligation, but it is only now that I realize the intense emotions and connections that can be experienced when I do work for social change, however small the change may be. This has made me feel much more spiritual about community service.

There was no motivation for Mother Teresa to have the same supper that she gave to the people that she sheltered - a crust of bread and a banana. Why must I be any different?

Extreme rant... A Boy Girl Thing....

first, a couple of updates....

1. Brushing my teeth is a lot more important to me than i thought it was.
2. Junkyard groove has finally released what is called a bootleg...i don't know how it's different from an album.... but they have... and i cant have it because they are only distributing in India....doh!
3. The Suns are making an impressive late playoff push, but they seem to be falling a couple of games short... i hope they make it...
4. I can tie my hair into a ponytail :D its the funniest shit i have ever seen :D
5. THIS is my new favourite song... i wish they would frekin get serious and make some frekin albums :(

Ok... thats done... umm.. what comes next... aaah yes the post... lets do that :D

So boys and girls... its a simple concept... there are boys... and there are girls... and when they are young, boys hate girls and girls hate boys and then when they get older, they can't get enough of each other, and then a little older... well you know the routine (coz i really don't)

I'm sitting on my bed... trying to do homework(?) or something of that sort... and i have my itunes on shuffle... its scary the amount of songs that have to do with boys and girls... songs about falling in love, about the one that got away, about that one magical night, about more or less anything to do with boys and girls... and it was then that it became apparent to me that love, relationships and well, boys and girls are more or less all that we live for...

And because i love to talk about how it feels... i delved into the questions that we all can answer in our own little way....

What does it feel like to love somebody? What does it feel like to be loved by somebody? To know that you are wanted... to know that there is someone right now who is thinking about you... What does it feel like to be alone? What does it feel like to love someone and know that they don't even know you exist? What does it feel like to sit next to a person that gives you the hiby-jibys, but to never have the courage to ever speak to him/her?

Whoaa.. hold on... that word is so awkward... love... wow... it has a kind of animation about it.. it dances around in your mouth, does a back-flip on your tongue and it kind of awakens the snoozing butterflies in your stomach...

so anyway... here i am... in this kind of i don't really know where i am phase, wondering to myself.... people make such a big fuss about boys and girls, and sometimes boys and boys (and vice versa), but what if there was just the boy and just the girl? what if for now, love *cue hiby-jibys* doesn't seem that big of a deal...

i guess im just trying to justify my laziness when it comes to relationships... i can almost see myself in this tiny glass cube, isolated from everyone around me... maybe its just easier this way... but then why does falling in love always seem so easy?

or maybe i just haven't found her yet... or maybe i have, and now shes gone... or maybe i could have found her, but i just didn't make the effort...

the possibilities are endless =)


p.s. i know this post is kind of a mess...but i don't really care... this is how it comes out, so yea... read it anyway :D

p.p.s. check out my new JYG widget in the sidebar... you need to scroll down a bit, but its worth it :D

Extreme rant... Pre-rant becomes the Rant .. returning to the roots

Pre-rant: This post isn’t as happy as the last few have been... I don’t know why, but i have been afraid to use this space as an emotional dumping ground in the fear of coming across as a cynical bitter boy who loathed in self pity and the rest...

as dad always says, there are two ways to look at that... one is that to shut out the complacency would be a good thing and it would allow the positivity to flow out... the other is that i have wanted to make this space more ‘reader friendly’ and i have been spewing out bullshit just to get that site-meter ticking....

When you actually think about it, its fascinating... There is no real right or wrong way to look at anything really... our lives are lived in this fuzzy grey area and that's it... we are fuzzy, confused and insanely opinionated... In reality, the only thing that really connects us all at a mental level, is that we don’t really know anything about anything....

Why do we say the things we say? All the world is a stage and we are but mere actors... We don’t live for ourselves but rather to satisfy the audience...

I wonder... i wonder what’s wrong with not knowing... why is it such a bad thing to be ignorant? If anything at all, it means that you are in the purest form of yourself, unscathed by the wrong or the wrong-right.... There is no conflict in your mind... and i guess in a way, that means that you are peaceful.... all that is left are the facts.... I breath, I eat, I sleep, I do. Existence becomes just that... existence.

Reader Rant... The Bass

Hello all of my three readers :D... well its been a verrrrrrrrrry long time... and i admit, i've got a baaaaaad case of blogstipation....

The problem is that i have so much to write and when i sit down to write, i write a little bit, and then i just lose the rest of it... maybe its just plain laziness(which it most probably is)... or maybe i just don't have the rest of the words in me...

So in this post... i need your help... i've got a thought.. feeling.. whatever... i need you to look into the next few words and empathize/relate or just simply feel something... whatever it is... and write it down in the comments forum...

Every new comment that comes up, ill add it to the original post... If you don't feel comfortable with disclosing your name... feel free to anonymize-it....
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The Bass

There’s this emotion... its like the thump, thump, thump of a bass, beating against your skin. You can feel the music crawl up your body. It enters you from all sides. It vibrates through you, from your ears to your feet. And then it explodes into the ground. You can feel the ground shake helplessly… BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

It's the feeling I experience when I listen to Viva La Vida, by Coldplay =)
-Anonymous

When that sweet beat takes over my body. When all the words make sense to me... when i can close my eyes and let the melody fill me... its a release... its the sound of that sweet falsetto... its the sound of so many, singing in one harmony...
When everything fits perfectly... =D

I totally relate.
Life is a symphony. And we are the various notes. Together we can form the most beautiful chords and harmonies or we can cause a cacophony. But, at the same time we're all a unique sound and no two notes are the same. We let out our own special music. Even though sometimes two different notes don't gel, individually we're never wrong. We're all beautiful and melodic in our own way. And if listen hard enough, we can hear our own music, flowing through us...and it gives us renewed faith and a beat to follow.
So music = life. Very true. =)
-Komal Korla, The K-Files

A slow and steady transistion from deafening silence to beats coming to life.
Its when all senses collide and your body is suspended in room with vibrations bouncing off the walls and technicoloured lights almost blinding you.
Its love/attraction expressed through music. A reflection of your heart racing, deep breathing, your feet lifting off the ground in musical notes and sounds.
The pleasure that your mind and body experience. A strange rather exciting blend of Ecstacy and Bliss.
- Anonymous

Or maybe it's just the sound of a cello, wrenching at whatever you're feeling.
Or maybe it's the sound of a guitar, crying for a home.
Or maybe it's the pain in a voice, in longing and despondent hope.
Or maybe it's the solemn clash of a tambourine, held in the frayed palms of a nobody.
But it definitely is the music that shows you the emotion, even if it wrenches at it.
It's the declaration of homelessness, and the need for a home. It's the music that will take you home.
It's the music that relates the hope of a cracking voice, crying out so loud in belief.
It's the tambourine in the emptiness of the glass and steel world.
Pulling us all back into place.
- Nishant Mehrotra, Hours

Or maybe life's not a symphony, it's a mess, a downright anarchic, cynical jibe at the very notion of existence. And those beats, are what reminds you of the fact that there is a cadence to your chaos, a rhythm to your pain.
- Anonymous, The Cynic (apparently :P)

Life's an empty sheet. Every step we take and every choice we make writes the notes of our songs. Minors, Majors, a 7th when your feeling happy, a slight harmonic when your in love, a muted string when you mess up. But there's no going back, no mistakes can be fixed. What do you do? back down? Or blow the crowd away with a powerful solo and go out with a bang! That's what it's all about. The question is: Is it good enough to make other people want to dance to your tune? Most of all, are you able to dance to your own tune over and over again? No regrets! You only get one sheet...
- Anonymous

It sends shivers down your spine and that, somehow, sparks a current that rivets through your body. You try analyzing this glorious feeling, calling it "life's symphony" and "a rhythm to my pain", and it sounds all pretty and nice until you suddenly realize how futile it has become. Instead, what has begun, is this process of you trying to out do the other by distorting what doesn't need to be distorted, and basking in the sun of the beautiful words you just wrote. Suddenly, you find that "the bass" is missing. It is no longer about the feeling, it is now about you. And it is at that moment you realize, that the electric current that rivets through your body is just a sensation, a pleasant sensation, that frees you of thought for an instant. All that remains is that resonating current tingling your pleasure cells somewhere in the brain. It is beautiful. Leave it at that, please.
- Anish Malpani, Do You Really Care?

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