Extreme Rant - Do ya know what i mean?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

so ive been reading this book yea.... muhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha!!! i shall be smarter than annnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyone aliveeee!!!!!!!!!! *wide eyes and huge evil grin!*

okok... so i have read like 5 books.... FINE have it your way punk!!! nyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhu.... when i do read books :D:D .... I'm not gonna get through a sentense today ....okokok.... when i dooo read books ... theres always a line or two that makes a huge impact on me.... yesterday night.... it was this one....

"Always I had kept my distance, all these years on the island, knowing this day was to come. And yet when had they slipped into my heart, these girl-women glowing translucent, chaste and alabaster, the last ones in the world to know who i was, and how it felt to be me."

i have thought of this often... its a wierd thought... kinda reminds me of MIB... with that alien guy sitting in his human body head if u know what i mean... its soooo wierrrrrrrrrrrrdddddd.... sometimes i just cant come to terms with being human... being alive.... being who i am.... not in an 'i hate myself' way... but more like fascination.... and if you think about it... we must be one bunch of reallly lucky people to exist at all... to be present at this place .... the right place... at the exactly right time... the odds are a trillion gazillion to nothing.... thats how impossible it is... but we are still here....

is it completely circumstantial? are we meant to just sit around and exist and get over with it? can our dreams and ambitions count for more than a joke? however insane they might be... because if you think about it... even taking over the world seems insignificant to me...

and even after this extremely lucky circumstance...the simplest of things... like existing, surviving has become near damn impossible...unless your "bank account" is lush.... i mean COME ON PEOPLE... is this what it has come to?? a world where the more you work, the less you get... if u wanna get off ur ass n get a job n pay your "bills", you will survive... because you are contributing to the growth of the society... because that is our purpose here... to have systems... to make sure that we work as a team... to make sure that everyone contributes to their society and to punish those farts sitting in front of the TV drinking a lager and only ever getting up to go crap and/or get another drink...

so then what?

we cant just have been made to exist... there must be something we are missing...

i'd like to believe that each of us... we do have something special... a power unique to us... but we spend this life either ignorant of it... or searching for it in vain...

to be a part of this crazy combination CANNOT end in such trivialism.... so now this is me... calling to you... to search within yourself... as i too will... look deeeeep inside for that spark that will set you ablaze in all your glory and you will shine like never before because i know for a fact that nothing this extraordinary could ever be so dim.

extreme rant - keyboard fury

this is what i fear most... the blank empty box... so im filling it up real quick so i don't get the chance to think about it... its my way to deal with things i fear... do it quick so i don't realize the impact of my actions until ive done it and now i cant really go back...........

ok... huge realization... been meaning to write this down for some time now.... people are always fretting on the meaning of life... and our purpose here and all that... well this is what i think.... i don't care if its true or not or if its what i want to hear that i hear

i have lived 17 year and i have experienced some things... some i still wait to experience... but one thing that i have experienced in a big way is failure... and if its one thing that i have learnt from my failures... it is this....

i have realized that i want to spend my life trying to give to others what i couldn't get... and this might seem immature for a 17 year old to say... but its true to me and that's whats important... every person has certain desires... every person gets depressed... sad... i know that sinking feeling... i want to be able to change and be able to create those opportunities that i dream of having...

i am an idealist... i believe everyone to be like me... i believe that people feel the same emotions.. think the same way... it will be my downfall... but i will never stop believing in me.