capability rant

theres this emotion... i don't know what to call it... it can best be described as desire, but not quite enough. Admiration? Paradox?

It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

I hate capability.... capability means that you are capable of doing something in the near future, but not exactly at that present moment.... last Wednesday, i had a tennis session. We were made to play matches. I lost all my matches. But i knew that each match i lost... it felt wrong... i knew that i could have won each and every one of those matches, but there was something in me that held me back.

I love the game of tennis... it is my passion... but when i got onto the court that day, i was not comfortable... i was tense... anxious...

Pessimist:
They say failure is the stepping stone to success.... i think that is absolute bull... each time i lose, i feel lost, i have no confidence left in me... how can all that lead me to success??

Optamist:
They say that bouncing back from a failure is a quality found in leaders... Today i will go onto the court again... make it my domain.... and i will hunt. come failure, come success... i don't care anymore.... i will play my heart out.