I find myself telling my three readers oh so often about the confusion that is my sight, and how ever so often I find myself in a moment of clarity. It's true, and I like talking about it a lot.
There was a time quite a while ago, when the confusion didn't really matter at all. It was kind of inconsequential in the bigger scheme of things, and well I just chose to be happy all the time. Somehow, things just seemed to work out.
Off late, I have let go of that, and I have let my blurred vision trouble me again and again and again. Its tough when your confusion actually does affect the greater scheme of things....
And then I got to thinking last night. How selfish of me to make MY greater scheme of things into THE greater scheme of things. Where along the line did I develop this ego? At school, I was part of a family. I gave to that family without a second thought. At university, I lost somebody to give unconditionally to. It was supposed to be my time. Help the world by first helping myself. I always hated it when my mum said that the most I could do for her was my homework.
The more I write this week, the more I realize how this blog is turning more into Ramblings of the Woeful College Kid. I guess there are repercussions of each and every one of my decisions now. Scrutiny and judgment. I wonder how people actually find this life fun.
But today, I'm gonna be happy. I don't really care about whats going to happen in September or where my life is going.
I'm going to make a plan to deal with school. A one day at a time plan. I think I'm going to go live today now.
See you tomorrow.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
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