Extreme rant Vol. 3 ch 1 - What Does This Mean??

there are times in my life when i want to be completely alone... shut out from the rest of the world... and there are times when i feel so insignificant that it hurts...

those are the times that i tend to think to myself about all those other people around the world who never seem to be lonely... significant people...and then I'm wondering... i couldn't be completely insignificant... i do have my own little responsibilities and relationships... just in a less glamorous way...

but isn't that what we all are aiming for in life... I want to go to an awsome good looking college... i want to get a nice position at a successful company... i want to have a nice apartment and a good looking girlfriend.

but then i ask myself this question... why? ... why do i want all these things that i know are unimportant... why am i kidding myself... such a paradox really, to know that ur fooling yourself and then live life in pursuit of that dream, a life filled with false hopes which we prefer to call dreams.

im not a negative person... im not a pessimist.. mostly :P ... i too want the awsome cool life... and that is where im lacking in understanding... that is where im lacking in self belief...

now self belief? what the hell does that have to do with anything? the simple fact is that one always tends to want to prove something to someone else... i want to make sure that everybody knows how awsome and great my life is.... why is it that i cant find the courage to say ... f*** the world... and for once let me prove to myself that i am capable of achieving something... it doesn't have to be on youtube, it doesn't have to be a hot conversation topic.... but a silent achievement which leads to you appreciating yourself.

when i have learnt this... things will change... in the long run... there will be more people who see me for who i am and not for what i wear.