The Day After Today

My exams are over. Comp was ok, chem was aight, evs was evs. They were exams. They don’t deserve their own posts. Stupid exams.

I've had a lot of time on my hands to think and reflect on a lot of things that I generally don’t notice or rather bother to think and reflect about normally. Most of these thoughts are temporary whims that I can't remember even 10 minutes after I have thought them, although I do believe them to be worthwhile solely for the fact that I am thinking them in the first place and the hesitations that is outwardly shown does not exist inwardly. *I’m sorry people but this is a rant... if you are beginning to get a headache now, either stop, or take an aspirin and continue*

When I try to write down what I think, it's never perfect because I know that even though I know that the words that I need to say what I want exist, they fleet me in a horrendous traitorous manner and leave me dry with what I have in hand. Then, I shall try to do with what I have for there is no choice left at this point in time and space.

The questions that entice my thoughts are generally unfathomable to begin with, but they do provoke me to think about other things. This time in my life is supposed to be enriched with intense emotions from deep memories and the conclusion of what is supposed to be a chapter in the book that is my life. Why do I feel no different? Yesterday I was trying to put together this crazy puzzle that is my life, and today I am doing it all over again, and I know that I’ll be doing it again tomorrow. I don’t feel at all for my school life, and for the first 17 years and 9 months of my life. The past has become near meaningless and suddenly I am falling into this pit of routine. The things that I do may be different. The people might be new and the mannerism of living might change, but I feel the same.

Don't get me wrong.... I hardly feel suicidal. I enjoy living my life and being happy (most of the time). In fact I sometimes enjoy sadness and loneliness as well. But I sometimes question whether my life would be anything more than just that. I feel like a video game that has been played ruthlessly enough to become predictable, a TV show that carves out definite characters who are forced to take a stand and have an opinion on everything. There IS a flame that burns inside of me, longing for something more than this excuse for a meaningful life. I could accomplish and conquer anything that I want and I know it, but where will I ever find my own true pricelessness.

I'm through pretending that I’m satisfied with this life. I want more and I’m not afraid to ask for it. I want to be optimistic so I will be and damn you all who think this cry is a false lullaby to calm my own senses. Today I issue a warning to the world. Be prepared, because when I come at you, you will be shocked. You will be terrified and you will be awed.

If there is truth in the saying that the brightest flame burns the quickest, then I shall take my stand now. But I ask only one thing from you. Let me burn the brightest that I can. LET me shine.

The Phoenix Suns

I rarely do a post like this over here. Infact i think this is the first time i am stepping out of my blogging norm... either way it don’t matter.

I just finished listening to a basketball match between the Suns and the Spurs... i get to tune in to the occasional NBA match on one of the US radio networks and it’s awesome even though it’s only audio...

Well... i support the Phoenix Suns not only because they are a heck of a team, but also because the Suns probably have the hardest working players in the league (aside from Kobe, Lebron, Garnett and the Pistons). These set of 12 players strive to play a traditional fast paced and action packed 48 minutes of basketball even if it means that they have to put in a lot more effort than other teams, and i think that they deserve due appreciation for that.

What i don’t like to see as a sports fan and a sports person, are extremely qualified and talented sportsmen that take cheap shots and get cheesy on the court. Tony Parker would top my list of sports-asses, and close in second would probably be his coach Gregg Popovich. There’s no doubt that they both have a lot of passion and are awesome at what they do, but the manner in which they conduct themselves is really disgraceful. If there is anyone out there who disagrees, feel free to rebut.

The Suns beat the Spurs today in an extremely thrilling match that went down to the final minutes of play. Despite the moments of yuckyness that the Spurs brought to the game, coupled with a bunch of knuckleheaded referees, the Suns managed to pull through. To me, the win doesn’t matter much, and i know it won’t affect the league in a huge way either. Rather it’s the awesome display of kickass attitude that the Suns showed that makes me feel proud to be a fan.

My feelings can be summed up by what Nash said after the game, responding to a question about the irresponsible refereeing. I'm not going to quote him because i don't want to get it wrong, but what he said was -
That's[refereeing] a battle that you can't win and sometimes it drains a lot of energy from you, but you've got to keep your head up and focus on the game and play as hard as you can.

Awesome awesome awesome!

Examotions part 3 - MATESSSSS

maths is fun fun fun
numbers here n numbers there
where do all the numbers go
when the lights go dowwwwwwn
i think i know where all the numbers goooo

they've all become volvo driving soccer moms!


maths is awesome... there aint nothin better than a whole bunch of x's and y's and pies
aparently maths has more of those than numbers but its all good when it comes down to mates!

Examotions Part 2 - Physics

Its about an hour before my physics exam and i am filled with mixed feelings... physics in modern high has always been about finishing whats on the index page so i could cross it out, and sometimes i do regret not taking out that little time to know something extra...

Somehow, everything seems to make sense and everything has a reason in the world of physics. All the rules and laws binding us all to this place is basically what physics is about... Reminds me of the things in this world that are just out of our control... feels nice not to have control over everything in my life...

I like physics because it is perfect in every respect... theres always a logical solution to every question. Physics is the epitome of idealism ... almost like a dreamworld... that world of physics is an ideal world of awesome perfection and this is what makes physics pretty cool...

still cant wait to get it over with though :P

Examotions Volume 2 part 1 - ELit

February is nowhere near the shortest month in the year. Well the buzz nowadays is focused on this new studying fad, and because my school is different, all the cool kids are doin it...

Tis roughly 11 hours before my literature test, and this weekend has been very up-and-down for me... literature has always forced me to ask questions about how i am living my own life and it pushes me to think a lot... and thinking is very tiring...
Here are some of the questions that have gone through my mind... maybe if i share them with you, you could find something new about yourself...

I have lived my life grabbing each and every opportunity that i could.. making the best of it... i have won praise and respect... when i leave this place, what will that be worth?

I have lived quite an eventful life, full of people, memories and experiences both good and bad... if i had the chance, would i live it over again and do things differently? What do i have to regret?
If i die tomorrow, could i say that i was ready? does my life really belong to me?

Have i ever witnessed something majestic? Have i ever felt complete, enlightened, full? Have i ever been able to connect with anything at the most profound level... how shallow have i been, and what has it blinded me from seeing? Do i really cherish the small, inanimate, silent things in life?

To what extent would i go to get what i want? would i be able to let go of things i love to discover something new? how would i be able to deal with change and goodbyes?

Sorry billy, but i disagree with you on this... Confusion hath yet to make its masterpiece

p.s if u want the daily scoop on our exams like Anish had documented them last year... you will find it here