Question and Answer session with myself.... part 1

Sometimes it's hard to know who you are from being you... sometimes you need to step out of your own skin and see yourself as you would see any other person... So here goes nothing...

Why do you regret?

Regret is toxic. To reflect on something I should have done... to think about how different my life would be if i had done things right... To never feel that completeness... I long to be complete... the opportunities that came my way, and the way i let them go by... I could have been better... I could have been stronger, smarter, faster...
I regret because i long to feel complete.

But i know that feeling... I've felt it so many times... I've felt it, but I was always feeling it in my own silence... I never got to share those complete moments with the world... I still have something to prove, and until then, i will regret.

What do you want?

This one's tricky! Well its like this... You know how you are never really satisfied with what you have, and you always want what you don't have? That's kind of what I want... everything that i don't have, even thought that might mean me wanting to not having anything because i have everything that i want....

Wow that's a bit confusing...elaborate?

Let's start from scratch... What i want is to be alive... that's a start...
umm... I want to be awesome(Yea! i like that one)...
I want to be smart... I want to be athletic... I want to be respected
I want to be wanted... I want to be in tune with you... I want to help you find your way when you are lost...
I want to find my way...
but that means i want be something that would help myself get something that i want...

this doesn't get any less confusing apparently....

I want to be vulnerable and i want to be confident... I want to have a story that leads somewhere... i want to mean something to me... I want to understand you and i want to understand me... I want to be stubborn and i want to be flexible...

I guess i want to be a paradox....


p.s... i dunno if I've ever followed up a blog that ive posted in parts, but i like to leave the possibility of a part 2 always :D

p.p.s...if you are feeling in one of those self-contemplation moods... pick up a pen and write down the questions that trouble you... see what happens...