This is my first open letter to anyone and I'm not quite sure why I am writing one to you, but I guess that you can claim the privileged either way.
Over the past couple of years, I have come to the realization that I have turned into a hopeless romantic. I have been sans-girlfriend for many years, and it is my honest opinion that one Deepika Padukone, i.e, you, have the perfect solution to the situation. You may be asking me, "What the fuck?", and justifiably too. Through this letter, I shall try to express my thoughs with hopefully a sound balance between sensible reasoning and lustrous zest.
As I have already mentioned earlier, my past few years have been, lets say, a forlorn time and it has been so because of my significantly unique circumstance. You see, my first 'female interaction' was with my school Headmasters daughter. She was also very hot and well even though we meandered through and around trees and such, twas without the spice of artificial rain, if you know what I mean. My second, and well only countable significant interaction with a non-male, as it were, was with a girl who was not only superior to me in many ways, but also extremely understanding and well to put it honestly, effing brilliant.
Now therein lies my predicament. The only few girls that I have befriended (forget be-bedded), have been either frekin hot, or frekin hot and effing brilliant. Now I believe in linear growth when it comes to living and that is where you fit in perfectly. You may think again think, "What the fuck?”. Let me explain further.
From the extremely intimate interactions that I have had with you, through such feature films as Love Aaj Kal (LAK) and that other one, I believe that you hold the key emotional, spiritual, practical, and physical characteristics that would perfectly compliment my own personality. Let us take for example, certain aspects of your traits. You showed your extremely smooth wit when bar-bantering with Saif Ali Khan. This brings to light the ease with which we could spend hours on end, chit-chatting about the trivialities of this world and I couldn't imagine a silent awkwardness ever existing. Of course, when the more passionate silent moments do present themselves, they will be personified due to the intensity of the contrasting silence.
You might want to know certain logistical mismatches right off the bat, and frankly, I am and have always been a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of guy. I am currently studying in Toronto, and considering your current field of work, we might have to explore the possibility of long distance communication. However, I don't believe that it would be a problem because of my immense faith in our working out. Also, since you are a person of media-noted stature, I would like to believe a trip every once in a while to Toronto, for some face to face time wouldn't be too out there...
Also, my professional life is kind of a mess. I have hardly any money and no job as of yet. This lack of employment could be seen as a bonus for your cause as this gives me more time to romanticize about you and do such things as write poetry and love letters. I live in a small, but cozy room in a house with one bathroom that I share with four other people. Given your obvious precise and calculated appearance, you probably take a long time to get ready in the morning. You might need to sacrifice some of the detail due to a lack of bathroom time, but do keep in mind that if you become too sloppy, we might have to talk about it. Also, I do not have a mirror in my room, and often more than not, you might leave the house with inaccurate makeup. I can let you use my MacBook web-camera to get a vague idea, but it is often a lot less telling than a mirror.
I think that physically, we are a good match. I am aspiring to an Arjun Rampal-esque physique (when he was smoking hot), and will get there.. eventually. I understand that you are around 5'9" tall and even though I am an inch or two (maybe threeish) shorter, I take solace in the fact that your preferred choice of footwear are flats (as seen in LAK). I will make an effort to walk around on my toes for the most of our time together. Also, we cannot discard the possibility that I may still have some growing left to do.
I think that my easy-going spirit will compliment yours extremely well. I can so easily imagine us sitting on a beach somewhere, watching the sunrise, arm in arm. Our relationship wouldn't be based on materialistic illusions such as money or financial stability. Rather I would drown you in the essence of a true romantic. A romance fit to be written as a New York Times Bestseller. We wouldn't ever have a mundane moment. How could we? The way I see it, we are soul mates, and if I need to write this letter to get your attention, then so be it! I say down with this social hierarchy bullshit. Who says you need to be a celebrity to get with one?
You see Deepika, I believe that at the end of the day, you and I, we aren't that different. Sure more people might know your name, but I can tell you this - you can give a million interviews and do a billion movies, and people will still not know who you are. You see, I don't look at you as Deepika Padukone, The Supermodel and The Bollywood Megastar. I see you as that Mango Person who has a story that maybe you have lost in a story that someone else wrote for you. I am willing to hear your story, however interview-unworthy it might be. And if you can’t find it in the glare of the limelight, we can take a life changing adventure of self-realization and discovery and who knows what might happen.
It's all up to you now.....
Forever Yours,
Udai.
p.s To keep in the spirit of complete honesty, I have included a picture of myself that I took this morning.
