Extreme Rant Vol. umm,... lost

He sat and stared at me from across the small living room. The silence was building and i knew that he was going to tell me something that i didn't want to hear. He looked down, his eyes closed, and then as if unsatisfied with his search for the right words, he looks at me and says, " I dont like your attitude. i think you are arrogant and disrespectful. right now, if you continue to act this way, you will go nowhere."

Have you ever had to listen to the truth? You know that its going to hurt, and you know that you made the decisions that lead to to this situation. now you have to hear it and its going to stink.

So often i brag about my goal in life. I talk of this journey of self discovery and understanding. how i want to know and understand myself better so that i can come closer to answering that almighty question...

Who am i?


Today, I've lost myself. I've been searching so hard that I've slipped and fallen on the ground that has carried me thus far. How do i feel? I feel blind. Blind because in every direction i turn, there is no answer.... because i don't know whether my decisions are responsible anymore.... because i have failed to see myself. I have let my mind slip, and every time i catch it again... i begin to lose grip of it once more...

silence is temporary... i have to get up and walk away from that flame, because theres always something to do next.

the end of an awesome journey

Have you ever come to the end of something. The end of a fun evening... the end of a donut... you get what i mean...

well today i came to the end of something. I came to the end of my basketball career in my school. And even though its been quite an uneventful day, i feel overwhelmed with emotions. I remember my first few days playing basketball at modern.... i was the smallest player on the court, and still hold that reputation :D

It has been a long journey. People have left, and people have arrived. Connections were made, and connections were broken as well. In the midst of this all, i have managed to be a quite part of it all, and i have had the privilege to experience the best and the worst of it all.

I might not have found any gold at the end of this rainbow, but i know that i have achieved something much greater. for those 40 odd minutes that i was on the basketball court... whether we were winning or losing, i felt like I was on cloud nine. I felt uplifted and nothing in the world could bring me down. It was and still is my calling. It doesn't matter if any other person appreciates that... it doesn't even matter if i go on to do great things for the sport. all that matters is that i know that i believed in myself. i know that it felt right...


thats all that matters to me....

thanks guys for a great year of basketball.

Extreme Rant - after a long time - free falling

"Who can be wise, amaz'd, temp'rate, and furious, loyal and neutral, in a moment?"

i have lost myself.

some time ago, when i hadn't the need to think so much, i had a method to life. i had made up my mind that i would be the master of my emotions. by doing so, i became the master of my actions and reactions. I would not feel sadness. i would not feel stress. i would feed off my anger and i would be happy whenever i wanted.

I remember one particular day when nothing went right for me. I felt frustration creep into me, feel it pound on me from the inside. My temples pulsed furiously and my jaws were locked. However, i didn't only feel frustration. I felt a strong urge to break down. I felt the need of a mental shutdown even if it was for a moment..

that was exactly what followed...

after my momentary loss of all control over my emotions, i felt a sudden serene calmness within me. My mind was clear, as if someone had pushed a reset button in there. All i could do was close my eyes and fall limb. My muscles were relaxed and free. I could see happiness, touch sadness, feel emptiness, hear anger - it was like a drug

there is no theme here... nothing to really have an opinion on, unless one could relate with the immense rush of emotions that could be experienced at the same time...


I am not happy. I am not sad. I am not frustrated, or angry or wanting

I am all - a cocktail of emotions, like waves of different colors, splashing against each other...

i control my emotions and my emotions control me...

DOH! oh well..............

ive grown up.... crap!

i had avoided it up to this point, but it just happened without any warning.Truth is, i never had control over it(whatever it is)... its just one of those things that happens without you even noticing, one of those things that just falls into place by itself. Of course its a culmination of all the small instances that i have experienced and it will be one endlesssss process which begins and ends int the 'now', getting more and more dull as time passes by....

But i don't want to lose myself. I don't want to lose that kid that defines me because that is who i really am. And so i shall forever hold on to donuts and empty ink cartridges, because i know that when i do lose him, i would become the equivalent of a deep fried sareli bengan.... n i don't wanna be a deep fried sareli bengan

i believe that everything happens or dosen't happen for a reason... be it growing up, or being at a certain place at a certain time... or just simply being. because i believe that if i can unconsciously do something like grow up... imagine all the other stuff that im doing, scheming and thinking of without me even knowing it myself!! i could have a master plan to take over the world and i would never know it.....

maybe these are the real strings that control our lives.... maybe we dont really have control over anything... the decisions we make.. the path we choose... all already done at a deeeeeep subconscious level... and all we gotsa do is say the words


well... i have complete faith in.... umm ... i dont know what yet... but i know that everythings gonna be alright.....its just meant to be

*sigh* :P twinkle

"it went off well", i said to myself. "I'd give it about an eight on ten. Maybe i could have done better. Maybe i shouldnt have made that comment. That awkward silence is still ringing in my head, but i recovered well."

"Hi. I know you dont know me. Heck i dont even know you, but is that what matters here? I saw a twinkle in you eyes. I know that says more than any conversation. Can't you see that too?". She stares back at me, confuddled by the goofyness of the situation. My fate at her disposal, she opens her mouth to say something but stops. She tries again, but sighs instead. She smiles in confusion/fascination.

"I think im in love with you". I sigh and look at her in hopelessness. What a fool i am! I'm not in love with her! Such a Fool!

"I mean, uh... thats not...not what i mean. Umm... me.. the i.. twinkle... *sigh*"



She looks at me thoughtfully.

"I understand"

Extreme Rant - Do ya know what i mean?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

so ive been reading this book yea.... muhahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha!!! i shall be smarter than annnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyone aliveeee!!!!!!!!!! *wide eyes and huge evil grin!*

okok... so i have read like 5 books.... FINE have it your way punk!!! nyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhu.... when i do read books :D:D .... I'm not gonna get through a sentense today ....okokok.... when i dooo read books ... theres always a line or two that makes a huge impact on me.... yesterday night.... it was this one....

"Always I had kept my distance, all these years on the island, knowing this day was to come. And yet when had they slipped into my heart, these girl-women glowing translucent, chaste and alabaster, the last ones in the world to know who i was, and how it felt to be me."

i have thought of this often... its a wierd thought... kinda reminds me of MIB... with that alien guy sitting in his human body head if u know what i mean... its soooo wierrrrrrrrrrrrdddddd.... sometimes i just cant come to terms with being human... being alive.... being who i am.... not in an 'i hate myself' way... but more like fascination.... and if you think about it... we must be one bunch of reallly lucky people to exist at all... to be present at this place .... the right place... at the exactly right time... the odds are a trillion gazillion to nothing.... thats how impossible it is... but we are still here....

is it completely circumstantial? are we meant to just sit around and exist and get over with it? can our dreams and ambitions count for more than a joke? however insane they might be... because if you think about it... even taking over the world seems insignificant to me...

and even after this extremely lucky circumstance...the simplest of things... like existing, surviving has become near damn impossible...unless your "bank account" is lush.... i mean COME ON PEOPLE... is this what it has come to?? a world where the more you work, the less you get... if u wanna get off ur ass n get a job n pay your "bills", you will survive... because you are contributing to the growth of the society... because that is our purpose here... to have systems... to make sure that we work as a team... to make sure that everyone contributes to their society and to punish those farts sitting in front of the TV drinking a lager and only ever getting up to go crap and/or get another drink...

so then what?

we cant just have been made to exist... there must be something we are missing...

i'd like to believe that each of us... we do have something special... a power unique to us... but we spend this life either ignorant of it... or searching for it in vain...

to be a part of this crazy combination CANNOT end in such trivialism.... so now this is me... calling to you... to search within yourself... as i too will... look deeeeep inside for that spark that will set you ablaze in all your glory and you will shine like never before because i know for a fact that nothing this extraordinary could ever be so dim.

extreme rant - keyboard fury

this is what i fear most... the blank empty box... so im filling it up real quick so i don't get the chance to think about it... its my way to deal with things i fear... do it quick so i don't realize the impact of my actions until ive done it and now i cant really go back...........

ok... huge realization... been meaning to write this down for some time now.... people are always fretting on the meaning of life... and our purpose here and all that... well this is what i think.... i don't care if its true or not or if its what i want to hear that i hear

i have lived 17 year and i have experienced some things... some i still wait to experience... but one thing that i have experienced in a big way is failure... and if its one thing that i have learnt from my failures... it is this....

i have realized that i want to spend my life trying to give to others what i couldn't get... and this might seem immature for a 17 year old to say... but its true to me and that's whats important... every person has certain desires... every person gets depressed... sad... i know that sinking feeling... i want to be able to change and be able to create those opportunities that i dream of having...

i am an idealist... i believe everyone to be like me... i believe that people feel the same emotions.. think the same way... it will be my downfall... but i will never stop believing in me.

Extreme Rant Vol 3 ch 2 I dont care what you believe!! =P

There are only four questions of life
What is sacred?
Of what is the spirit made?
What is worth living for?
What is worth dying for?

The answer to all is the same
only love

Destiny is a funny thing... you never quite know when it hits you in the face. Sometimes you do recognize it...simple things in our daily lives...the feeling that you experience when something like that does happen can only be described as awe... over the past few days, i have experienced quite a lot, i have had a lot of time to think, and i have gone thorough many an emotion... but nothing could compare to that particular smile on my face when i knew that i had experienced destiny.

You might be thinking that this guy is full of shit, talking as if he knows all about the spirit, the higher being and all that.... truth is that i don't really know about what i know, because there are very few people who actually know, and i have never confirmed with them if what i know is.

Ok... down to it... my first experience was on the first of July... i had joined an art of living course and didn't know exactly where the place was... when we finally reached the location, i couldn't believe my eyes... there, across the art of living building, was the building with the golden waves... better known as the new gold souq. I had been looooonging to go to the building with the golden waves for quite some time now, but i never knew where it was, or had the resources to actually get there.... and there it was, across the road....

my second experience was just a few minutes ago... i opened my blog... decided to write a post, but couldn't think of nything special... so i went downstairs to see what was on the tele... there was a movie on...i had seen this movie ages ago... and in a specific scene, i remembered that the actor says the lines above... the ones about love... and i never remembered what he said... but i knew it was awsome... and when i switched on the tele... that particular scene was on...the first thing i heard... blog post destiny!

if that aint destiny... i don't know what is...

Extreme rant Vol. 3 ch 1 - What Does This Mean??

there are times in my life when i want to be completely alone... shut out from the rest of the world... and there are times when i feel so insignificant that it hurts...

those are the times that i tend to think to myself about all those other people around the world who never seem to be lonely... significant people...and then I'm wondering... i couldn't be completely insignificant... i do have my own little responsibilities and relationships... just in a less glamorous way...

but isn't that what we all are aiming for in life... I want to go to an awsome good looking college... i want to get a nice position at a successful company... i want to have a nice apartment and a good looking girlfriend.

but then i ask myself this question... why? ... why do i want all these things that i know are unimportant... why am i kidding myself... such a paradox really, to know that ur fooling yourself and then live life in pursuit of that dream, a life filled with false hopes which we prefer to call dreams.

im not a negative person... im not a pessimist.. mostly :P ... i too want the awsome cool life... and that is where im lacking in understanding... that is where im lacking in self belief...

now self belief? what the hell does that have to do with anything? the simple fact is that one always tends to want to prove something to someone else... i want to make sure that everybody knows how awsome and great my life is.... why is it that i cant find the courage to say ... f*** the world... and for once let me prove to myself that i am capable of achieving something... it doesn't have to be on youtube, it doesn't have to be a hot conversation topic.... but a silent achievement which leads to you appreciating yourself.

when i have learnt this... things will change... in the long run... there will be more people who see me for who i am and not for what i wear.

kiss the rim

two words - flight school

Extreme Rant Vol 2 Ch 4- Stupid Time

i hate time. Time is that stupid thing that always screws your Prince of Persia game up. Time is that stupid thing that you always lose and never gain. Time is such a stupid thing!

There are moments in my life that i wish i could relive... maybe do things differently. Now you must be thinking, this kid is only 16, how regretful could he possibly be?

Only a regretful 16 year old would understand.

life today has become a challenge, a competition of man against time, but more often than not, by the time we realize this, its too goddamn late! It is scary, how close Prince of Persia is related to real life. Each one of us starts off with a full meter, not knowing the challenges that lie ahead of us. With time, we gain experience, and learn the tricks of the trade. towards the end, we realize that it is a race against time. you panic, rush, and muck up even more, and you never get the goddamn princess!!!

People say that one must find solace in the fact that there will be a brighter future, and to know that you have contributed to molding that future should compensate for the time that you have lost in your life... what bull...
the only happyness or satisfaction that i would ever get, is if i was part of that future... selfish and self obsessed as it may seem. but unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.

time and i have a special relationship. It is the only thing that i know i will have in my dying breath... the only thing that i can take from this earth with me when my life is over... and for that, i am grateful.

Extreme Rant Vol 2 Ch 3 - If i had a candle

if i had a candle, what would i do with it? i would light it. watch the flame. The flame is.... enchanting. all phylo bull aside... real emos in play... i feel nice. i feel calm. i am watching the flame... concentrating on it... blocking out everything else. i feel its warmth.i can close my eyes, and still picture it in my head. in the infinite darkness, a candle burns, glows, illuminating the space around it, but its light is swallwed by the darkness.

Someone walks into the room...i look up from the candle, battling my fascination. this person begins to talk. She talks about the future, she talks about the past. i feel a pang of guilt... the candle is burning out, and she cannot see it.

That flame is gone now. I wish i could feel its warmth once again, but i feel nothing.

The regret sets in... *it was so perfect, i felt so nice... where did it go?*

The longing comes next... *will there ever be anyone who can share that warmth with me? will there ever be anyone who will understand?*

i dont feel like talking.... i feel quiet... so i say nothing.

Green pens and black ink - Part 2

ohk... this is the second part of an entry i made some time ago (http://udaikapila.blogspot.com/2007/02/ohk.html), about the documentary that was made last year. Since i was in India for most of the summer, i couldn't really do much, but i still kept in touch with Dhruv via emails. He replied to my initial mail, and gave me a second assignment. He asked me to look around India and tell him what I saw. If I had the chance to direct a film about India, what would MY story be.

This is what i wrote:

hey dhruv,
sorry i took so long to reply. i havn't been able to access a comp for some time...we r doin some serious traveling around... and so most of my trip has been in a car or in an airport, train station...etc...we've gone to kolkatta, chandhigar, delhi, thats where i am now, and all parts of harayana....i thought about what u asked me for some time, and then i wrote this down... please take into account that i havn't slept the whole night ;) ... i'm serious....

i was at a train station on my way to chandhigar from delhi. We were walking towards our platform when i spotted a lady in rags sitting on the floor. She was chanting, both her hands held up. she stared from one hand to the other. when i looked more carefully, i realized that she was holding a blade in one hand. shocked, i silently passed.

I'm in a car. I am looking out of the window, my headphones on because i can't stand the horns. I have already counted eight butta sellers sitting on the pavement, countless fruit carts, and even more rickshaws. at night, these same rickshaws have their worn out drivers sleeping in them.

now when i think about it, when i SEE these people that use a simple footpath, as the place where they earn their whole livelyhood, people that don't know where tonights dinner is going to come from, let alone tomorrow's, people that wait outside factories for discards that they can sell on the streets, people that dig through garbage for a jute bag or a bottle that they think might be useful, or sellable, the only word i can think of is 'struggle'.

this is an issue. not a small issue, an issue that involves and affects most of our indian nation. But why??? Don't we have the largest democracy, supposedly 'for the people' in the world?? is it so hard to provide a simple thing like education to the people. something that can give them some hope, to overcome their struggle? Some support from the country that these same people would give their lives for?

this is what my documentary would be about.


this is a very brief outlook.... ive seen to much to fit into one email....

Extreme Rant Vol 2 Ch 2 :: SAT 2 chemistry :: dance everybody!

the last week of my life has been hectic. I have had some very good experiences, and some very thoughtful moments. I've gotten to know the people around me.

Today, i feel blank. I want to tell you things that i cant, because there would never be words that are appropriate enough. Even the smallest of my emotions have been magnified. i can feel.

Maybe it is this state of exhaustion that has led me to let my guard down, but i like it. Tomorrow, i shall wake up, with a hundred reasons to give up. And i know that i will have to wait. I want to know what will be, but i must be patient.

As thoughts fill up my mind, i feel the need to pour them out. a place where i can preserve them forever. But each time i put them down on paper, their meaning is lost. That's when i realize that these thoughts are meant for me and me alone... i sit in front of someone, in silence, thinking of the words to use.... blank.

There's this emotion. Simplicity, Blank.

Poetry for the faint hearted - The Unicorns Ride

I'm not one to post poetry online, because it loses a lot of majesty and feeling when read on a computer monitor... but it has been a while... and i feel the need to update...

this poem is one of my favourites... it is soft, touching and colourful...

The Unicorn's Ride

Over your rainbow
A unicorn flew,
He was sent to find me...
He said by you.
"Climb aboard", he whispered,
"We must go for a ride..."
And into a portal of light
We rode inside.
The sky was so blue,
The fields so green,
With each explosion of light
Was a wonderful scene.
So happy we seem
And always together,
There was no end to your dream,
It just went on forever.
Then the unicorn said
"I have one more surprise..."
So we took off quickly
And pierced the sky.
Then I saw you sleeping
And dreaming in your bed...
I caressed your hair gently
And kissed you on your head.
The unicorn interrupted...
"I must now get you home,
But now that you've seen her dream,
May you never feel alone."
My heart is feeling heavy,
A fire burns inside.
Thank you so much my darling
For the unicorn's ride.

- Eric R. Hughes -

Extreme rant vol 2 ch 1 A spot to think

Theres this feeling... like when you eat a handful of of sugar... you shake, tremble... tremble.... laughter is easy to come by... theres this feeling

a smile withheld, it feels nice that you can smile... a look in your eye, a look withheld... pure joy!! Theres no other word for it! JOY!!!

When everything seems to fit.... NO!!!

when there is nothing to fit!!! THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!

life is like a donut! sweeeet... when i am eating my donut... i don't care about what is happening around me! i am SELFISH as ever!! a sheepish smile... a trembling leg.....

The pure joy of seeing joy in someone else's eyes.... Shandy come running up to me... tongue hanging out... pure joy!!!! theres no other word for it!!! JOY!! i felt it .. it was unavoidable...

Every person has a special spot to think.... a place of complete solitary... a place of complete silence.... i found my spot yesterday... it was on the tennis court... not in the middle of the tennis court... but in a corner, on the side... where i was picking up tennis balls... those who play the sport will relate...

nyhu... its not important where this spot was.... its what i felt there... breathing came easy... concentration was no effort... and i became crystal clear... simply because i didn't need to understand me... just like when you eat a handful of sugar at once....the feeling... the feeling.

p.s done in a hurry... just how i felt right here and now... so don't think too much into it :P:P

Extreme Rant Vol I Ch 5 ...... What the hell is he smoking?

there's this emotion... i don't know what to call it... i can try and describe it... but i would have to use words that only i know of.

It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

Harmony. Such a sweet word. Rhythm. Groove.

What is harmony? or rather, what does it stand for? Have you ever experienced harmony? The sweet strange sensation that is more than seen, more than heard, more than felt.
A shiver runs down my spine as i close my eyes, and look up into the heavens. A smile. A world without questions. A world without answers, and yet, a world without ignorance. light. darkness. light. darkness.

Do i understand? Should i understand?

I feel a sudden jolt of pain. It feels like death. it disappears in an instant. calmness overcomes my body... The tension of my muscles fade... I feel relaxed.

I am scared to open my eyes so i keep them shut, but i can still see.

I see a flower, swaying in the wind. It is red, beautiful, but i feel emptiness.
I see a shadow. A shadow in the dark. Vast.
I see raindrops, falling like little stars. I can feel them as they hit my face.

There's this emotion, It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

Shameful

theres this emotion... i don't know what to call it... it can best be described as desire, but not quite enough. Anxiousness? Paradox?

It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

theres a certain entity that exists within all of us... something called our conscience. Have you ever done something, or felt something that you know was purely wrong? A thought that pops up in your head for a split moment...
And for that moment, you hate yourself... you are not at peace with yourself at all. And because of this, you are not at peace with anyone, or anything.

You feel hot. You are burning... you avoid all eye contact. You give an outwardly sheepish smile... but inside you are thinking "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???"

theres this emotion.....

Extreme Rant Vol I Ch 4 ...... Off Beat = My Philosophy rant

The hardest part about writing something, for me, is the beginning... how do i start with what i have to say... so today... i am going to start like this....

Now that that is out of the way :P:P ... I have a philosophy about life (one of my many that is :P:P) ... not life in the sense of 'life' ... but more on our existence.

I believe that each and everything/everybody follows a certain rhythm... everything we do, say, write, see etc.... is all part of a universal groove... for example, this post that i am typing, my fingers, they follow a rhythm, an unavoidable beat. Maybe it is the influence of music on me... but i do sometimes identify the groove.... and it feels so sweet... when everything seems to "fit".... in time, in one voice, in unison....

sometimes we have to just stop... and look around us... it is amazing what we find... i found a beat...

just think about it...

capability rant

theres this emotion... i don't know what to call it... it can best be described as desire, but not quite enough. Admiration? Paradox?

It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

I hate capability.... capability means that you are capable of doing something in the near future, but not exactly at that present moment.... last Wednesday, i had a tennis session. We were made to play matches. I lost all my matches. But i knew that each match i lost... it felt wrong... i knew that i could have won each and every one of those matches, but there was something in me that held me back.

I love the game of tennis... it is my passion... but when i got onto the court that day, i was not comfortable... i was tense... anxious...

Pessimist:
They say failure is the stepping stone to success.... i think that is absolute bull... each time i lose, i feel lost, i have no confidence left in me... how can all that lead me to success??

Optamist:
They say that bouncing back from a failure is a quality found in leaders... Today i will go onto the court again... make it my domain.... and i will hunt. come failure, come success... i don't care anymore.... i will play my heart out.

ARJUN!

this one is just for YOU Arjun

Extreme Rant Vol I Ch 3 ...... Thoughtful rant

i like to think of Dubai as my home. i like to think that this place comforts me. But there is always a feeling of deep emptiness within me.

I think it has something to do with the immense abundance of date palm trees. Somehow the date palm just doesn't have the same majesty of a much more symbolic tree like the great Banyan. Life and energy always seems to surround the Banyan... Children siting on the high branch of the tree... talking about what they want to be when they grow up.... most of them want to be cricketers.

I miss climbing a tree...

i miss cycling on my Philips just for fun, the ups and downs in the streets of Delhi being my race track, and the wind my rival... I miss sitting in front of my dadima's house on stones that i had painted red years ago with paint that i had made myself, eating freshly cut mangoes, talking with my neighbours... I miss flying a kite... i miss walking down to the marketplace to buy milk that is sold in packets and not bottles... I miss reading mystery books and munching on a packet of Peppy chips.

Peppy chips... *mmmmmmmm*

The Camp

Whole lotta fun

Extreme Rant Vol I Ch 2 :P .... is it too late for a rant?

i was thinking-ranting today... and i thought i'd put it into my blog... but then i just forgot it all... so here's a brand new rant! (i envy my readers!!)

life is like a pair of white shoes... i reely dont know where ime going with this...

sometimes i like to think about what the world was like before it was important to keep count of the seconds left for the earth to turn once around and do the hokey pokey. An age when philosophy was just called confusion, when people never really reflected on the soul, spirit blah blah blah...
it's kind of hard to imagine for our egoistic generation (shush!) because obviously, WE KNOW so much more than they did... we can tell the difference between a monocot and a dicot plant! SO THERE!! stupid ignorant stone-age-people!

Those stone-age-people musta been one really confused bunch of people... try to imagine waking up one day and something clicks in you head telling you that you are hungry and the smell of poo is bad and not good. you look around... and all the other stone age people are looking at their poo with a confused expression on their faces...
and so progress is born... today the whole stone-age-people race have come to a universal understanding that poo smells yucky...and so the first poo-ly migration has begun down to the great river so that they can all wash their asses...

and as the stone-age-people live on... they learn about birth... death... pain... suffering... love... hate... and they develope emotions... they are thinking constantly in a language that only they understand... words are alien to them (again, a bit hard to imagine)...

soon people identified with bananas as good and poison ivy as bad... the word reaches every land far and wide... the wierd yellow thing that grows on the wierd long brown thing with green things on top of it is called a BANANA! weeeeeeeee.... and so a trend of banana eating developes... apples, lemons, guavas, oranges all follow suit... at first people identify these sweet edibles as the slurpy sound made when one eats it... refining over time made it an 'f' sound... and more refining came to the final product - 'fruit' (Somehow :S)

And life goes on... progress... blah blah blah....until we reach the stage where there are two "gentlemen" sitting across each other at a "table" on the "porch" on the "front lawn" asking each other if they would want another "cupa tea?".

wierd... how things turn out...

p.s this is completely out of my head so probably nobody will agree with it... so don't try to agree or disagree... just read it and tell me what you think. Also there are a lot of loop-holes in my made up theory... thats because it is made up.

My conversation with Robert Plant

This Dubai Desert Rock Festival was insanely special. Rock music was represented at all fronts, from the screaming vocals of bands like Mastodon, In Flames and Stone Sour, to the groovy beats of Junkyard Groove.

The first day was energetic. The performances were pretty ordinary until Prodigy took the stage. These guys literally made the Earth shake with their awsome bassy beats! For me, they were the third best band of the festival.

The most anticipated band of the night, Iron Maiden, didn't let anybody down. They mixed up their classic numbers with their new ones. Bruce Dickinson's timely chats with the audience made each and every one in the audience feel special. "Next time we are down here, and you bring your friends, brothers and sisters, we will just have to get a bigger fucking field!" ... or something like that... and who could ever forget - " SCREAM FOR ME DUBAI!!!!!"... My second best band.

The second day was more about the bands, and the music. Junkyard Groove had an awsome performance, although i'm sure they have played for bigger crowds... Their song "Its Ok" will undoubtedly be a smash hit.

Robert Plant.
He walks on stage. The crowd goes mad. i am standing in the second row and have a more than clear view of him. The first song, Black Dog!

Undescribable! i am totally consumed! singing along... head banging... jumping...

And even though i know that he probably didn't even notice me, i felt that he knew me, where i was standing, what i was doing.

He plays one of his new songs, Shining In The Light.


The intro of Ramble On is greeted with a roar from the crowd. Robert Plant enthusiastically shouting " Yallah Yallah!!!" and "Zindagi Zindagi!!!".

"So many to choose from, its hard" ... or something like that.... and then i shout IN MY TIME OF DYING! someone behind me shouts KASHMIR! i shout out again... HOUSES OF THE HOLY.... and then he coolly says, "and then there were some"....

Going to California, Baby I'm Gonna Leave You, Four Sticks, Sixes and Sevens, Gallows Pole... unbelievable.

The inevitable encore saw the best of Strange Sensation and Robert Plant come forth. Playing a 10+ minute version of Whole Lotta Love including an interlude (best described as something out of Arabian Nights)... just too much for me to handle...

And each time his eyes fell onto the crowd, i felt his eyes fall on me. And each time he smiled at the crowd, i felt him smile at me.

In all, the best two hours of my entire life. LED ZEPPELIN THE BEST BAND EVER!

Extreme Rant Vol I :P .... soul mates, one word or two?

Do you believe in soul mates? Hmm...

I'm sure soul mates was an idea cooked up by some high flying idealist. Who wouldn't want to have a person that understands you completely. A person who sees through all your flaws and loves you for who you are. A person that YOU understand and love wholly and completely.

The words "soul mates" itself arouses curiosity. For those who believe in the soul and the spirit, would believe that all things living and non-living are connected by the energies that they posses. I believe that love is an energy. Something that burns inside of us, filling us with passion and wanting to be given out. It ain't that hard to understand, but yet nobody does. So then, what are "soul" mates?

examotions

It's 5am, Sunday morning. 3 hours to go before the dreaded chem exam. I've been up all night studying. Seems like the perfect time to write an entry.

This week has been full of mixed emotions, and even though final exam fortnight is still not over, i feel the need to write down my emotions now.

Night before English Literature: pretty relaxed, still doing some poems. Last poem left. A Story of Lost Friends. I lie down on my bed, and begin reading.

Aah, this poem had made my night. I didn't finish reading it but i soo understood what Bond was trying to say. I felt it. Loneliness is horrible. To not belong to someone, to not be someone else's responsibility, is disheartening. Parents? They are guides, sometimes teachers, but not always. Friends, Siblings? They are comrades, sometimes teachers, but not always. Special friends? They are emotion communicators, interpreters and outputers (:P), sometimes teachers, but not always.
Nature, love, the soul, yourself. Common with all the formers. The constants. But there is still loneliness.

buzzing emotions that night.

Night before Physics: FRUSTRATION! missing notes, too many formulae, sleepless nights piling on. HATE! CONFUSION! ....lost.

Night before Computers: Aaah! excitement! restlessness! energy! passion! good feeling.... understanding.

After Computers exam..... imperfectness, regret, passion.

And here i am, 3 hours away from the chemistry exam. Time to get some sleep!

Chemistry

lol... sorry

Shades of Tan

random question of the day.
At what shade of tan does beige become brown?

p.s my newfound picture clicking interest (no good at it yet)

Initial rubbish.. rediscovering fun

Every now and then, i tend to return to the roots of my everything. This evening i was and still am in one of those moments. My motivation is pumped, my ranting is at its peak and i just feel good all over.

And even as Dean Martin's voice consumes my emotions, mixing them up as if they were paints on a platter ( which never turns out to be pretty, because u eventually get a browny coloured thingy which looks like poo, or this purplish brown thingy which doesn't look pretty, but I've already said that... but its true...), i feel impulsive.
I feel like doing something stupid, insane, outrageous. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

My motivation tonight, as "lame" as it might be, is to fly. Aah, the joy and ecstasy that i feel when i lift off!:D and the sadness i feel when my feet touch the ground again :(. I take my shoes off, and coil up again, ready to spring into nothingness.

And even as i do this, some sort of enlightenment hits me. Not answers, but questions. I jump, and fall back onto the ground. Why?


Is it because the Earth needs to stay in its orbit so as to not crash into other planets, or get close enough to the sun to fry us?

Is it because we are able to experience the sweet sensation of breathing in the cold winter morning air instead?

I want to live on the moon. Sure, basketball courts will be hard to come across over there, but at least i will be able to jump higher than Jordan. ;)

Note : i warned you about the rubbish, don't blame me.

is white really a colour?

as i sit at my desk, typing this post, i look at a tissue lying in front of me. It is white. And then i ask myself, is white really a colour?

thats it

:P


As i think back on what i have learn't about colours and the theory that white is not reely a colour but a combination of all the 7 vibgyor colours, but its different when an object is white, coz it has white pigments or something like that....... i feel kinda nerdish.... i try to switch off... i look back at that goddamn tissue!! why did you have to be white???

gone are the days when i could just look at a white tissue, and smile because the colour made me happy. Why do i have to think? Why do i try to divide everything into something smaller, and smaller, and smaller. Now i look at that tissue, and it saddens me.

White is my favourite colour. I like the fact that when i ask anyone what their favourite colour is, they never say white. Black, Blue, Red, Pink.... but never white... but then, is white really a colour?

Dream on - a lesson in inspiration

incomplete with nothing said about bball or music. Let the videos speak for themselves. If you are a basketball player and you dont get inspired by that video, then there is something wrong with you beacuse i have never seen a more inspiring video.



I've also added a live performance of the song, just to make things interesting ;) :D

Green pens and black ink

ohk... in the summer of 2006, at the initial stages, i was part of the documentary crew (i got kicked out later but thats another post). Our first few sessions were with a man named Dhruv Dhawan, who is a documentary director. For our first assignment, he asked us to write about something that has changed us and how it had changed us, and also what we are aiming to achieve. This is what i wrote.

Hey Dhruv,

I just landed in India and haven't slept the whole night. Please take that into account. I might not have answered your questions, but i mean all that i say here. Please tell me if i need to rewrite it.

i can't tell you an incident that has changed me. I cant tell you how it has changed me. I change everyday, because i live everyday. I changed when i heard Led Zep for the first time. I changed when i first picked up drum sticks. I changed yesterday while watching Wimbledon. I changed today when i landed in India and took a moment to reflect. Moreover I'm changing now as i write this mail to you.

How all this has changed me? I don't know... maybe they are reminders, of what really matters in this life to me. Maybe they are all additions, adding to the complexity of this already vast web that is my life. Confusing me further.

What am i aiming for? I'm aiming for what everyone is aiming for. Happiness. The difference is, that i have already achieved it. Of course sometimes it is taken away from me. Sometimes for days, months, even years, but it is always there, waiting to return to me.

All that is.

According to me, there are two types of things in life. Things that have reason, and things that dont. i often get caught up in the things that have a point, or make sense and very often miss out on the larger picture. Sometimes the point of things is that there is no point. Sometimes you have to go blind to see the larger picture. Sometimes you have to close your eyes to hear the music. And sometimes you have to stop, and absorb all that is.

All that is.

Studies? What studies?

Exam time people. Get with the program.

Are you ready to rrrrrrrrrrant!

blah blah blah.... tide of things .... blah blah blah ... be different..... blah
here i come world of bloggyness!! run and hide! because if i catch you, you'd wish you were never born.

please dont bother with my spelling/grammar because i dont....

what you will expect to read in my blog :

absolute rubbish
the rare insightful mistake
stuff to do with green pens and black ink
and maybe, probably very rarely, my deepest darkest desires.