Extreme Rant Vol. umm,... lost

He sat and stared at me from across the small living room. The silence was building and i knew that he was going to tell me something that i didn't want to hear. He looked down, his eyes closed, and then as if unsatisfied with his search for the right words, he looks at me and says, " I dont like your attitude. i think you are arrogant and disrespectful. right now, if you continue to act this way, you will go nowhere."

Have you ever had to listen to the truth? You know that its going to hurt, and you know that you made the decisions that lead to to this situation. now you have to hear it and its going to stink.

So often i brag about my goal in life. I talk of this journey of self discovery and understanding. how i want to know and understand myself better so that i can come closer to answering that almighty question...

Who am i?


Today, I've lost myself. I've been searching so hard that I've slipped and fallen on the ground that has carried me thus far. How do i feel? I feel blind. Blind because in every direction i turn, there is no answer.... because i don't know whether my decisions are responsible anymore.... because i have failed to see myself. I have let my mind slip, and every time i catch it again... i begin to lose grip of it once more...

silence is temporary... i have to get up and walk away from that flame, because theres always something to do next.

the end of an awesome journey

Have you ever come to the end of something. The end of a fun evening... the end of a donut... you get what i mean...

well today i came to the end of something. I came to the end of my basketball career in my school. And even though its been quite an uneventful day, i feel overwhelmed with emotions. I remember my first few days playing basketball at modern.... i was the smallest player on the court, and still hold that reputation :D

It has been a long journey. People have left, and people have arrived. Connections were made, and connections were broken as well. In the midst of this all, i have managed to be a quite part of it all, and i have had the privilege to experience the best and the worst of it all.

I might not have found any gold at the end of this rainbow, but i know that i have achieved something much greater. for those 40 odd minutes that i was on the basketball court... whether we were winning or losing, i felt like I was on cloud nine. I felt uplifted and nothing in the world could bring me down. It was and still is my calling. It doesn't matter if any other person appreciates that... it doesn't even matter if i go on to do great things for the sport. all that matters is that i know that i believed in myself. i know that it felt right...


thats all that matters to me....

thanks guys for a great year of basketball.