In the mood....

It seems that I am in the mood...

Sometimes I really really hate movies. Mostly because they all end with everything 'working out'. It never seems like that in real life. My Summer of Love is proof. It's not that I am unhappy. I guess I'm just looking for familiarity. Movies are unfamiliar to reality. Good movies push those empathetic buttons. People should make more good movies.

A good movie is like a good friend. An even better friend is a good song. I remember as a seven year old, spending hours sitting in front of my dad's Technics amplifier, with his expensive Sony headphones plugged in, listening to Dr. Hook. It was my junior sanctum. Just sitting and listening to that CD over and over and over again. You know how if you listen to a CD enough times, you know what song comes after the one that's just finished. I sat with the little booklet that comes in the case, reading the lyrics and singing along in my head. It's amazing how lyrics of a song can stick in your head clearer than your most important memories. I guess good songs make memories too, just like good friends.

I love to complain about this era of music, and the dying radio that succumbs to big names, big money and big masses. I wonder if seven year old kids still get the chance to find their sanctum in this iPod age. Maybe it's a different kind of sanctum, however progressively unromantic it tends to become. I think that's why we love to hold on to the past. The past is always more romantic compared to this present. Like a transformation of soft, comforting silk into a tough plastic.

A little bit of color never hurt. An unreasonable whim, or a surprisingly soft spot for a love song. A secret love to write poems under candle light, or a song that you cant resist closing your eyes, getting on a table, and making orgasmic faces and vulgar gestures to.

So today's exercise girls and boys. Drown in cliche. Become that day dreaming fool that people make movies on. Walk around in naivety, and find romance.

Extreme Rant: End of a Beginning...

A lot has happened in this Summer of Love. I can say with a mild lucidity, that I did indeed fall in love. I went through the drama of it even though it may not have been apparent to me at the time. For now, my Summer of Love has been like a mud path, as many are, with a winding sort of direction, and pretty flowers on the way. And as always, I encourage naivety with your thoughts, for then we can forget about the more unimportant, yet necessary physicality at hand (as it were), and focus on the rest (however less impressive, and entertaining, and interesting, and in all, just plain boring) that might be. So for the lack of anything really of substance to show off about, or rather to bother writing about at all... read on.

So yes, The Summer of Love has brought me to a number of conclusions, let's call them the 'utter rubbish' findings, about well, people in general. The most interesting of them is that as individuals, we all choose our personalities. That sounds pretty obvious, I know, but what I found peculiar, is how often those personalities, or rather, portrayals, are almost always in one way or another, disconnected with who we really are. Maybe it is a wanting to become that personality that drives us to be the artist or the intellectual or the mystery or the lustrous, but how close to our bare nakedness is that true to?

Or maybe it works the other way and I've got it all wrong. Maybe you choose a personality to channel yourself to reality. Because otherwise you would be too bare and trivial to feed your existence. Hmm...

It happens though, in a haste of subconsciousness, that a tone or a look or a bunch of words leak out of your personality. It's like a moment of public nakedness, that you silently and shyly realized too. Like speaking before you've thought of what you're saying. And that reflexive glimpse is so harsh sometimes, that you might surprise yourself. But It is in that moment, that I can see you. That moment has made all our conversations and interactions worth while. Because that glimpse tells me the truth that is hidden...

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We all love beauty. We all want to be around beauty. We all want to be beautiful. And we will manipulate our ideals and our decisions to tailor that need. Beauty is comforting and exciting and unpredictable. It's almost like a drug that takes us away from the true reality of things. Beauty, even in the most obvious sense, is never real. Not this beauty. Not the beauty I was looking for in the Summer of Love.

There is a beauty though, that lies beyond our personalities. It is shameless. It is clueless. And it is naive. It is often mistaken for the sleeping, but I know now, that I need to be woken up.


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Earthed

It seems that I keep trying to find a reason not to write, and end up finding no reason to write. But either way, words are for free, and time is in abundance. So as they say, let's fuck... umm

This post was initially going to be about a lot of things. And then I realized that all it really was, was a string of YouTube videos. And sometimes it's funny how the most trivial things can sometimes express and reveal some of your most intricate feelings. Like a drunken thirty second sob in a friend's arms, or a shy glance from across the room.

And sometimes it's the other way around, when the most trivial things can spark epiphanies and symphonies within you. Like the warmth and smell of a hot cup of chai, or a Christmas card with a story of what could have been, that you come across while cleaning up your room.

When I think about it, everyone or everything that I make part of my life, is like a string of twine, tying me to someone or something else. A song or a drawing or a kiss or a bracelet, or even an ideal, a thought... they all act as strands of attraction, binding me to this life, and keeping me in this place. Keeping me earthed.

When I started this post, I wrote down that I would not spew out some spiritual bs rant rubbish that's pleasing to hear... so I think I should stop now before this get's ugly. Comment people!!! I want some TLC!!! Also, if you think this post has ended unjustly, here are some youtube videos that express what I was going to say anyway....