Have you ever reached a point in your life where you just run out
of things? Run out of things to do, to say, to make, to be.. just run out? It's
a strange feeling. Just blankness, both physically and mentally. Really
strange....
I'm sitting at my desk at work, waiting on a meeting to start.
I've done most of my to-do items for the morning, and now I find myself just
sitting. I open up a web browser, and since I've been on a brief hiatus from
the vortex that is FaceBook, I stare at Google, wondering what to do next. So I
open up CraigsList and check out the Guitars and other instruments that people
are selling. I fantasize a bit about moving out of my apartment and check out the
Housing page for a bit. I'm already bored and it's occurring to me how useless
I'm being.
I attempt to think of creating a new project, or a list of things
that I have to do. I come up with a few. Laundry, finish that painting... can't
even remember the rest of the list.. that's how dreary it seems. The point I'm
trying to get to here is this... I know that I
haven't run out of things to do. I have shit tonnes of things to do. Some of
them even fun things. But I still feel this looming sort of 'meh fuck it'
feeling.
It's a tough question to ask oneself... What is my purpose? What should I be doing with my life. What do I want to be doing with my life. What will make me happy right now?
It's times like these that I turn to the wisdom of Denny Crane:
Denny Crane:
Edwin Poole's problem is he doesn't like being Edwin Poole. From time to time
he'd look in the mirror and ask, "What's the point?" I never do that.
Questions like that'll kill you.
Alan Shore:
Questions like, "What's the point?"
Denny Crane:
Look--take you for example. Tomorrow, you're gonna go into court and argue that
some little fat black kid should be able to play a little skinny white one.
What's the point? You don't ask-that's the point.
I don't have any answers here... only this
feeling... I feel that a change in some way is needed... lets try that first
:).
