i have neglected this place for quite some time, and i dont like that i have.
what is nirvana? can you close your eyes right now, take a deep breath and experience that overwhelming feeling of absolute connection with the air that cushions your body? can you feel that electrifying static of energy that is ready to bound from your skin at any given chance? do you feel alive in this moment?
i admit that i am impatient. when it comes to feeling good, i want to feel good now! but sometimes things take time. people take time and emotions take time to develop and it pisses the hell out of me, but thats just the way it is right? but i also like to think i have a choice. i have a choice to feel good whenever i want and my reason for doing so is the simple fact that having the choice of feeling good at any given time kinda makes me feel good.. :P
so i am going to jump, and i am going to sing, and i am going to dance and i am going to shout at the top of my lungs so that everyone around me knows that i feel good and that they have a choice to do the same. i am not going to spend my words on searching for my happiness, for the simple fact is that my silence will let me hear it coming towards me, and when i close my eyes i will see it surround me, and when i take a deep breath, i will smell it and feel it enter me.
and then i will be happy.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
extreme rant...so true
Do you ever feel like there are some days that you just don't feel like yourself... its one of those feelings that you cant really describe, but ill try anyway....
i feel like there's this huge rock sitting on my chest, and it keeps getting heavier and heavier. I feel like its impossible to carry my own weight anymore... i don't control the words i say, the things i do...
I miss you, who ever you are, wherever you are... i need you right now
i feel like there's this huge rock sitting on my chest, and it keeps getting heavier and heavier. I feel like its impossible to carry my own weight anymore... i don't control the words i say, the things i do...
I miss you, who ever you are, wherever you are... i need you right now
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Extreme Rant Volume 2 billion Ch 1... Dear Sir,
'Are you afraid sir?'
'Afraid of what?'
'Afraid sir, of being inadequate. Afraid that you have come this far, and you find that there is someone stronger, faster, smarter than you are. Afraid that even though you are in the right place at the right time, you really are not.'
'All the time.'
'Are you hurt sir?'
'Hurt?'
'Yes sir, hurt. Hurt that while you lay to rest at night, there is someone out there who is sweating blood to be better than you. Hurt that nothing ever works out the way you imagine. Hurt that you are alone.'
'I guess I am...'
'So then why do you do it sir? Why do you continue down this road of fallacy and hopelessness? Why don't you just give up?'
'I... I don't know...'
'Afraid of what?'
'Afraid sir, of being inadequate. Afraid that you have come this far, and you find that there is someone stronger, faster, smarter than you are. Afraid that even though you are in the right place at the right time, you really are not.'
'All the time.'
'Are you hurt sir?'
'Hurt?'
'Yes sir, hurt. Hurt that while you lay to rest at night, there is someone out there who is sweating blood to be better than you. Hurt that nothing ever works out the way you imagine. Hurt that you are alone.'
'I guess I am...'
'So then why do you do it sir? Why do you continue down this road of fallacy and hopelessness? Why don't you just give up?'
'I... I don't know...'
Thursday, April 17, 2008
American Idol Season 7 What I Think!!
Aight.. i need to do this post now because i fear it will be too late in 6 weeks time... This post is my attempt to knock some sense into anyone who comes to this page and doesnot agree with this post (i think that about covers everyone).
Im going to keep this short and sweet... here are my top five american idol performances and my top four contestants this year... and i doubt the latter list will change...
Contestants:
4. Syesha Mercado (Yes, he said it)
3. Carly Smithson
2. Michael Johns
1. David Cook
Performances:
5. Michael Johns - We Are The Champions - Week 3
4. Syesha Mercado - I Will Always Love You - Week 4
3. Carly Smithson - Come Together - Week 1
2. Michael Johns - It's All Wrong - Week 4
1. (drum roll) David Cook - Billie Jean - Week 3
I dare anyone to disagree!!! muahahahahaha
Im going to keep this short and sweet... here are my top five american idol performances and my top four contestants this year... and i doubt the latter list will change...
Contestants:
4. Syesha Mercado (Yes, he said it)
3. Carly Smithson
2. Michael Johns
1. David Cook
Performances:
5. Michael Johns - We Are The Champions - Week 3
4. Syesha Mercado - I Will Always Love You - Week 4
3. Carly Smithson - Come Together - Week 1
2. Michael Johns - It's All Wrong - Week 4
1. (drum roll) David Cook - Billie Jean - Week 3
I dare anyone to disagree!!! muahahahahaha
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Never Meant To Be.....Really LONG POST No. 1...
have you ever thought that some things were never meant to be? I guess its easier to dismis those things as a written in our fate rather than to accept them as somethin that we could have controled... i guess fate is another word for the past...
The next few of my posts are going to be some essays that i had written for college applications...here is the first one
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you:
The summer of 2007, I decided to join a group called the Special Family Support group. I got the opportunity to work with children with special needs. During this time, I met a very special girl. Leah is eight years old and she has multi-sensory disorder.
Leah affected me from the moment we met. I spent most of my summer with her, in silent conversation. The words that she couldn’t say were amplified in her silence, and thus they had twice the effect on me. I heard her thoughts and not her words. What did we talk about? We talked about everything, from her freedom to her institutionalization. We talked about the sun and the stars, the air and the rain. She had an unadulterated innocence that was magnetic. I feel special because I am able to see something special within Leah. This is what makes my bond with her so strong.
In today’s fast paced world, it has become increasingly easy for us to dismiss our surroundings. We see and hear what we wish to and so we are trapped within this illusion that is created by our own egos. Today, we don’t have time to stop and listen. We can’t even find time to pause for a moment and observe the beauty that surrounds us. We have lost that strong human instinct of curiosity. Leah has all the time in the world, and all she wants to do is listen. All she wants to do is see nature in its true beauty, and in that, she becomes a part of nature. Leah inspires me to look deep within myself and to find my own light. She inspires me to move others around me, not with meaningless words, but with my thoughts and actions.
Leah is important to me not only because she has touched me at such a profoundly deep level, but also because she has shown me that my life is much more than a mundane day to day experience. Her attitude towards living is something that everyone can learn from. She is not burdened by the setbacks that she faces. She does not let her physical being affect her and this is why I believe that Leah is such a strong character at a much deeper level.
I have changed a lot since my encounter with Leah. I have become more aware and in tune with the people around me. Now, I am able to express myself more freely. Furthermore, I am able to better assess my own character because I am not burdened with the superficial expectations of society. There will always be barriers and restrictions that will prevent me from allowing these deep emotions to overwhelm me. I am ready to accept my social obligations and responsibilities. However, these barriers do not exist within me and I know that at my core, my soul will always be free, forever learning, forever experiencing and forever feeling, just like Leah.
The next few of my posts are going to be some essays that i had written for college applications...here is the first one
Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you:
The summer of 2007, I decided to join a group called the Special Family Support group. I got the opportunity to work with children with special needs. During this time, I met a very special girl. Leah is eight years old and she has multi-sensory disorder.
Leah affected me from the moment we met. I spent most of my summer with her, in silent conversation. The words that she couldn’t say were amplified in her silence, and thus they had twice the effect on me. I heard her thoughts and not her words. What did we talk about? We talked about everything, from her freedom to her institutionalization. We talked about the sun and the stars, the air and the rain. She had an unadulterated innocence that was magnetic. I feel special because I am able to see something special within Leah. This is what makes my bond with her so strong.
In today’s fast paced world, it has become increasingly easy for us to dismiss our surroundings. We see and hear what we wish to and so we are trapped within this illusion that is created by our own egos. Today, we don’t have time to stop and listen. We can’t even find time to pause for a moment and observe the beauty that surrounds us. We have lost that strong human instinct of curiosity. Leah has all the time in the world, and all she wants to do is listen. All she wants to do is see nature in its true beauty, and in that, she becomes a part of nature. Leah inspires me to look deep within myself and to find my own light. She inspires me to move others around me, not with meaningless words, but with my thoughts and actions.
Leah is important to me not only because she has touched me at such a profoundly deep level, but also because she has shown me that my life is much more than a mundane day to day experience. Her attitude towards living is something that everyone can learn from. She is not burdened by the setbacks that she faces. She does not let her physical being affect her and this is why I believe that Leah is such a strong character at a much deeper level.
I have changed a lot since my encounter with Leah. I have become more aware and in tune with the people around me. Now, I am able to express myself more freely. Furthermore, I am able to better assess my own character because I am not burdened with the superficial expectations of society. There will always be barriers and restrictions that will prevent me from allowing these deep emotions to overwhelm me. I am ready to accept my social obligations and responsibilities. However, these barriers do not exist within me and I know that at my core, my soul will always be free, forever learning, forever experiencing and forever feeling, just like Leah.
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