Extreme rant... Pre-rant becomes the Rant .. returning to the roots

Pre-rant: This post isn’t as happy as the last few have been... I don’t know why, but i have been afraid to use this space as an emotional dumping ground in the fear of coming across as a cynical bitter boy who loathed in self pity and the rest...

as dad always says, there are two ways to look at that... one is that to shut out the complacency would be a good thing and it would allow the positivity to flow out... the other is that i have wanted to make this space more ‘reader friendly’ and i have been spewing out bullshit just to get that site-meter ticking....

When you actually think about it, its fascinating... There is no real right or wrong way to look at anything really... our lives are lived in this fuzzy grey area and that's it... we are fuzzy, confused and insanely opinionated... In reality, the only thing that really connects us all at a mental level, is that we don’t really know anything about anything....

Why do we say the things we say? All the world is a stage and we are but mere actors... We don’t live for ourselves but rather to satisfy the audience...

I wonder... i wonder what’s wrong with not knowing... why is it such a bad thing to be ignorant? If anything at all, it means that you are in the purest form of yourself, unscathed by the wrong or the wrong-right.... There is no conflict in your mind... and i guess in a way, that means that you are peaceful.... all that is left are the facts.... I breath, I eat, I sleep, I do. Existence becomes just that... existence.

Reader Rant... The Bass

Hello all of my three readers :D... well its been a verrrrrrrrrry long time... and i admit, i've got a baaaaaad case of blogstipation....

The problem is that i have so much to write and when i sit down to write, i write a little bit, and then i just lose the rest of it... maybe its just plain laziness(which it most probably is)... or maybe i just don't have the rest of the words in me...

So in this post... i need your help... i've got a thought.. feeling.. whatever... i need you to look into the next few words and empathize/relate or just simply feel something... whatever it is... and write it down in the comments forum...

Every new comment that comes up, ill add it to the original post... If you don't feel comfortable with disclosing your name... feel free to anonymize-it....
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The Bass

There’s this emotion... its like the thump, thump, thump of a bass, beating against your skin. You can feel the music crawl up your body. It enters you from all sides. It vibrates through you, from your ears to your feet. And then it explodes into the ground. You can feel the ground shake helplessly… BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

It's the feeling I experience when I listen to Viva La Vida, by Coldplay =)
-Anonymous

When that sweet beat takes over my body. When all the words make sense to me... when i can close my eyes and let the melody fill me... its a release... its the sound of that sweet falsetto... its the sound of so many, singing in one harmony...
When everything fits perfectly... =D

I totally relate.
Life is a symphony. And we are the various notes. Together we can form the most beautiful chords and harmonies or we can cause a cacophony. But, at the same time we're all a unique sound and no two notes are the same. We let out our own special music. Even though sometimes two different notes don't gel, individually we're never wrong. We're all beautiful and melodic in our own way. And if listen hard enough, we can hear our own music, flowing through us...and it gives us renewed faith and a beat to follow.
So music = life. Very true. =)
-Komal Korla, The K-Files

A slow and steady transistion from deafening silence to beats coming to life.
Its when all senses collide and your body is suspended in room with vibrations bouncing off the walls and technicoloured lights almost blinding you.
Its love/attraction expressed through music. A reflection of your heart racing, deep breathing, your feet lifting off the ground in musical notes and sounds.
The pleasure that your mind and body experience. A strange rather exciting blend of Ecstacy and Bliss.
- Anonymous

Or maybe it's just the sound of a cello, wrenching at whatever you're feeling.
Or maybe it's the sound of a guitar, crying for a home.
Or maybe it's the pain in a voice, in longing and despondent hope.
Or maybe it's the solemn clash of a tambourine, held in the frayed palms of a nobody.
But it definitely is the music that shows you the emotion, even if it wrenches at it.
It's the declaration of homelessness, and the need for a home. It's the music that will take you home.
It's the music that relates the hope of a cracking voice, crying out so loud in belief.
It's the tambourine in the emptiness of the glass and steel world.
Pulling us all back into place.
- Nishant Mehrotra, Hours

Or maybe life's not a symphony, it's a mess, a downright anarchic, cynical jibe at the very notion of existence. And those beats, are what reminds you of the fact that there is a cadence to your chaos, a rhythm to your pain.
- Anonymous, The Cynic (apparently :P)

Life's an empty sheet. Every step we take and every choice we make writes the notes of our songs. Minors, Majors, a 7th when your feeling happy, a slight harmonic when your in love, a muted string when you mess up. But there's no going back, no mistakes can be fixed. What do you do? back down? Or blow the crowd away with a powerful solo and go out with a bang! That's what it's all about. The question is: Is it good enough to make other people want to dance to your tune? Most of all, are you able to dance to your own tune over and over again? No regrets! You only get one sheet...
- Anonymous

It sends shivers down your spine and that, somehow, sparks a current that rivets through your body. You try analyzing this glorious feeling, calling it "life's symphony" and "a rhythm to my pain", and it sounds all pretty and nice until you suddenly realize how futile it has become. Instead, what has begun, is this process of you trying to out do the other by distorting what doesn't need to be distorted, and basking in the sun of the beautiful words you just wrote. Suddenly, you find that "the bass" is missing. It is no longer about the feeling, it is now about you. And it is at that moment you realize, that the electric current that rivets through your body is just a sensation, a pleasant sensation, that frees you of thought for an instant. All that remains is that resonating current tingling your pleasure cells somewhere in the brain. It is beautiful. Leave it at that, please.
- Anish Malpani, Do You Really Care?

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Picture Rant ...The Subway

These are a few pics i took in Toronto... mostly in August when i was using the subway everyday...

I've said this before, but i shall remind... I'm not much of a photographer... but I'd like to know what you think either way...

Not so Extreme Rant looong post.... the end and the rest....

There are some things in life that matter, and some things that are just not worth the sweat. Its tough to choose the right and appropriate moments to lose your cool, because there is a thin line between hot-temperedness and low self esteem.

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Sowww... the first half-year-chapter of my independent life has come to a very subtle close. How does one describe a period of time? What really defines it. The wars that were fought... the speeches that were made.... the new episodes of heroes that were aired... there are so many ways to look at a slice of time. Sometimes, a single moment could suffice to describe an entire era. The flip of a card or the toss of a coin could make history.

Let me start with the end, which in most stories is the most exciting bit anyway (not the case here since technically this is the beginning.... *whaa?*). So Umer and i went to the airport on the subway/bus, which was quite a pleasant journey(thank god). We had a Timmy’s coffee and i proceeded onto my metal bird.

There were three things about the airport that seem to be stuck in my mind. The first was on my way to the gate. You know how there are sometimes those walking escalator thingys? well there was one here and on the outside edge of the escalator was a heightened ledge(about a foot off the ground). As soon as i saw the ledge, my first instinct was to walk on it(no surprises there), but i didn’t. I don't know why i didn’t, and as i was contemplating on the thought, a little girl skipped past me. Of course she was doing her skipping on the ledge.

This whole incident, as uneventful as it seems to be, made me think about the difference between little Udai, and UofT Udai... What i found was that even though i yearned to give into to my little Udai, something held me back. I wonder what it was....



The second eventful moment occurred at the terminal(the place where we sit and wait to get onto metal bird). As at most terminals, the wall facing the planes is generally a massive window. So one is able to see the planes doing their thang... In one section of the terminal, there were two boys(who looked like brothers) who were playing with paper planes.I thought the moment was noteworthy just because it looked cool. If you were standing behind them, you could see them playing with their paper planes, and right in front of them, these huge mothers screaming at full throttle down runways.



The third and final (more significant) moment would bring you to my current state (lappy in lap and typing). I got onto me plane, trembling with excitement. I found my seat, which was a very convenient aisle seat, and got comfy. The girl next to me seemed to be in an unrest about something. A few moments later she asked me if i could swap seats with her boyfriend whose seat was in the same row as us, but in the middle section. I know how irritating it can be not sitting next to the person you’re traveling with, so i agreed (not thinking twice). So i gave up my aisle seat for the boyfriend.

At that time, i was too tired to think twice about it... but five minutes later, i realized that i could have kept my isle seat and made the couple happy by asking her to give up her seat to sit with her boyfriend in the middle. Instead the couple got their seats and the comfort, and who lost? Oh well its just a stupid seat(that I'm gonna spend the next 15 hours in). Big deal...

I can still see them from here, cuddling and hopelessly in love. The thoughts that followed to enter my mind greatly troubled me. One realization that i came upon was that I always act before i think, and because of this, that pang of regret is always around and ready.

The second emotion that hit me was jealousy. To see them like that, it nearly sickened me. I wanted that.

******

And so to the beginning... aah yes, college. Words that could describe the last four months for me... free, musical, new, different... a lot of words come to mind, but none would envelope the entire experience. Yes, it was a good experience. It was definitely not what i expected.... awesome at times, and sometimes, not so awesome. I learned a fair bit about the that person i am and the person that i want to be....

At the end of the day, all is well and good... coz, in a few hours, I'll be home.

booh yeah!

Brief Extreme Rant... The House Always Wins

I play his game. I roll his dice. I succumb to the insanity of him. I make the mistakes.

I make the mistakes knowing full well that the only thing that matters in this place is The House. Nothing else matters. Not even me.

But I still play.