Perspective

The tennis is getting better. Slowly.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm living in a fairytale world. A prolonged happy drunken state in warm cozy little boxes, forever untroubled and content.

Even though we (Charan and I) found our current pad for dirt cheap, it happens to be smack in the middle of quite a posh area. Lots of really old people and really young people. It's the kind of area that you would like to settle down in one day once you've secured Tenure at that University, or gotten that Chief of Medicine job.

And then I thought of all the TED talks that I've been watching off late. People talking about a world that is totally different from this one. A black and white contrast. I wonder if any of the kids growing up in this neighbourhood will ever even get a glimpse of that world. I wonder if I will.

I guess sometimes you need to be radical in your living, and sometimes you just need to chill out. Even if living is just a frame of mind right now. But does that mean that you switch off from all of your thoughts to pretend that the one you are at right now is where you should be? Maybe when you have a minute, you could think about your life in perspective with the rest of the world. With all of it. The richer and the poorer. The malnutrition-ed and the obese. And you don't necessarily need to stop there. Think of those who are losing their lives today. Imagine the possibilities of what happens next, and then put your life into perspective.

Most people will go through life, surrounded by a phantasmagorical living. A glass box of cloudy realities that they will create themselves to find solace. But if we are really one human race, don't you think we ought to at least spare a thought, if not an action, for something, or someone outside of this body?

By all means, live in your illusion, but beware of the reality that exists.


footnote: I know the post is a bit edgy... maybe today edgy is good...

Chapter 101

As always, I have been procrastinating. Since nobody really bothered to comment on the last post, I have decided to post everyday. Everyday until I am satisfied.

I'm not always going to talk about my day to day stuff... but I will today. Today was the single most petrifying day of my entire existence. I gave my first tennis lesson today. Nine balls (those funny orange and yellow ones), Reese, Bobby and Teddy. Everything I ever knew about tennis went flying out of my head and vanished into the court that had seemed to transform itself into a massive black hole. Petrifying.

I thought about calling up Zeeshan today, but I didn't really know what to say to him or ask him. Zeeshan if by any chance you are reading this, today I realized what it takes to be a tennis coach. I remember the very first time I met you. You had called me in for a brief hit around to see how my game was. It was at the Al Wasl courts when you still coached there. I could go on and on about the things I cherished about those lessons. Our conversations while hitting from the service line, while practicing serve, in between drills. The millions of drops of sweat that you squeezed out of me. It all came back to me in a rush of blood to the head today. Petrifying.

And as bobby strolled around the court today, in the middle of a drill, he popped out his mobile phone from his pocket, probably to update his Facebook status. Disgusting. Even more foul was that I had no idea what to do. None. This is my life right here. This is what I live for. And I had no words left. Just stunned.

Tonight, my sleeplessness will lead to some more Vector, some more thinking, and when the gym is open, I will begin my training. I will begin my concentration. My discipline.

And maybe in a while, it might get a little less petrifying.

100th, Coffee High, Reflections

I haven't been able to sleep the last couple of nights. John made me a very 'effective' cup of coffee today morning, and well, I don't think I will need to sleep ever again.

***

The last few days, I have been thinking about an awesome post, and well, all I wanted to really say in this post, is that ROTD has been insanely fun for me to write, and hopefully for you to read.

I was thinking about writing a letter to Jenifer Aniston, but I couldn't really think of anything outside of "Dear Jenifer, You are probably the hottest woman ever." That would have been a short post, so I decided against it. Besides, I'm still waiting for Deepika to get back to me...

***

This time is quite significant to my general existence. In the next few days, I will find out if I will be allowed to switch out of engineering. Hopefully this one will swing my way. I'm praying... Thinking back, I don't even know why I was in engineering to begin with. Dad, what were we thinking?

***

I was packing my stuff a couple of hours ago. And as I was taking the books off of my bookshelf, something so honestly conscientious hit me. The books, they had dust on them. The dust, it felt like I had dissed those books to the ultimate. I keep them on that shelf, with hopes of one day opening them and actually reading them, but I never do. And to display them like that was such a sham! Hypocrisy! Fraudulent!

From now on, I am only going to display books that I have read. That will be my little reward.

Also, I am thinking of writing a book. Don't know where to start though, so if you, my dear three readers would oblige, ideas, topics, opinions, anything that could help.

***

I was watching a movie yesterday. It was a corny sports flick about some messiah guy and a gymnast or something. It was supposed to be a true story. Maybe messiah's really do exist then, or maybe somebody got his hands on some LSD. Who knows.

The movie was basically a simple guide to how a life should be lived. This old man keeps giving advice to this kid and even though the advice was super cliched, it really appealed to me...


"Life has just three rules?"
"And you already know them..."
"Paradox, humour, and change."
"Paradox..."
"Life is a mystery. Don't waste time trying to figure it out."
"Humour..."
"Keep a sense of humour, especially about yourself. It is a strength beyond all measure."
"Change..."
"Know that nothing stays the same."


***

Some of my own thoughts now...

It seems like the only thing that I am learning about in college is me. I have moments of confusion with this whole growing up thing. I think I was more grown up three years ago than I am now. I spend way too much time on my own, even when I am not in my room. I never believed in thinking. Thinking made me conscious about my decisions. Made me hesitant. Three years ago, I never had the chance to think. There were always people around, cricket matches to fix up, the tennis court, basketball practice, band practice. Never thinking. I have too much time to think now. This room makes me think.

The more I think, the more I want to write about what I am thinking about. But I don't want to think, even though I want to write, oh so desperately. If only I could be a circle without a center. Blank, and yet focused.

I'm going to stop now. This post, it means something to me. Write a comment. Write about anything. Write about your day. Write about the last dump you had. Write the most random thought you can muster up right now. Write the most troubling thought on your mind right now, or the most curious question that is bothering your mind. I'm sick and bored of my thoughts. I want you now.

I need you now.

***


You have kept me going for a hundred posts, and hopefully, you will keep me going for another hundred.

Peace.


***

Growing up

This post is for all the other confused nineteen-year-olds out there who couldn't sleep last night.

Growing up is hard. You have to worry about getting educated. You have to worry about maturity and food and ambition. Worry about money and family and friends. About school and summers and weight and hair. About what people think, about what education means to you. Opinions and politics. Intellectuality and creativity, conversation and connections, networking and socializing...

Growing up is quite overwhelming...

Another poem? Silence Has Got a Sound.

This poem comes with a soundtrack...or maybe the other way around.... play the song while you read... that's how I wrote it...


*******

Lost in a thought
Do you remember who you were
This time a year ago
Maybe two maybe three
And what of you now
Close my eyes and I go back to that place
Of innocence and kiddish curiousness

How have I changed
Or have I at all
The more I listened
The more I looked around me
My thoughts floated away
Into people that mattered
And didn't at the same time

They said so many things
And walked by so many times
With thoughts written on their faces
And feelings kept on their sleeves
What did I look like to them?
Was I the same
A book to read
A metaphor to understand
A symbol of life
To think about for a moment
And then move on
Walk past
With a though for later
Later in the silence

I liked the silence the most
No thoughts, no confusion
Just silence and a feeling
Like eyes opening in slow motion
To a sound unheard by your ears
But by your soul

You see it then
Silence has got a sound.