Extreme Rant Vol 2 Ch 4- Stupid Time

i hate time. Time is that stupid thing that always screws your Prince of Persia game up. Time is that stupid thing that you always lose and never gain. Time is such a stupid thing!

There are moments in my life that i wish i could relive... maybe do things differently. Now you must be thinking, this kid is only 16, how regretful could he possibly be?

Only a regretful 16 year old would understand.

life today has become a challenge, a competition of man against time, but more often than not, by the time we realize this, its too goddamn late! It is scary, how close Prince of Persia is related to real life. Each one of us starts off with a full meter, not knowing the challenges that lie ahead of us. With time, we gain experience, and learn the tricks of the trade. towards the end, we realize that it is a race against time. you panic, rush, and muck up even more, and you never get the goddamn princess!!!

People say that one must find solace in the fact that there will be a brighter future, and to know that you have contributed to molding that future should compensate for the time that you have lost in your life... what bull...
the only happyness or satisfaction that i would ever get, is if i was part of that future... selfish and self obsessed as it may seem. but unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.

time and i have a special relationship. It is the only thing that i know i will have in my dying breath... the only thing that i can take from this earth with me when my life is over... and for that, i am grateful.

Extreme Rant Vol 2 Ch 3 - If i had a candle

if i had a candle, what would i do with it? i would light it. watch the flame. The flame is.... enchanting. all phylo bull aside... real emos in play... i feel nice. i feel calm. i am watching the flame... concentrating on it... blocking out everything else. i feel its warmth.i can close my eyes, and still picture it in my head. in the infinite darkness, a candle burns, glows, illuminating the space around it, but its light is swallwed by the darkness.

Someone walks into the room...i look up from the candle, battling my fascination. this person begins to talk. She talks about the future, she talks about the past. i feel a pang of guilt... the candle is burning out, and she cannot see it.

That flame is gone now. I wish i could feel its warmth once again, but i feel nothing.

The regret sets in... *it was so perfect, i felt so nice... where did it go?*

The longing comes next... *will there ever be anyone who can share that warmth with me? will there ever be anyone who will understand?*

i dont feel like talking.... i feel quiet... so i say nothing.

Green pens and black ink - Part 2

ohk... this is the second part of an entry i made some time ago (http://udaikapila.blogspot.com/2007/02/ohk.html), about the documentary that was made last year. Since i was in India for most of the summer, i couldn't really do much, but i still kept in touch with Dhruv via emails. He replied to my initial mail, and gave me a second assignment. He asked me to look around India and tell him what I saw. If I had the chance to direct a film about India, what would MY story be.

This is what i wrote:

hey dhruv,
sorry i took so long to reply. i havn't been able to access a comp for some time...we r doin some serious traveling around... and so most of my trip has been in a car or in an airport, train station...etc...we've gone to kolkatta, chandhigar, delhi, thats where i am now, and all parts of harayana....i thought about what u asked me for some time, and then i wrote this down... please take into account that i havn't slept the whole night ;) ... i'm serious....

i was at a train station on my way to chandhigar from delhi. We were walking towards our platform when i spotted a lady in rags sitting on the floor. She was chanting, both her hands held up. she stared from one hand to the other. when i looked more carefully, i realized that she was holding a blade in one hand. shocked, i silently passed.

I'm in a car. I am looking out of the window, my headphones on because i can't stand the horns. I have already counted eight butta sellers sitting on the pavement, countless fruit carts, and even more rickshaws. at night, these same rickshaws have their worn out drivers sleeping in them.

now when i think about it, when i SEE these people that use a simple footpath, as the place where they earn their whole livelyhood, people that don't know where tonights dinner is going to come from, let alone tomorrow's, people that wait outside factories for discards that they can sell on the streets, people that dig through garbage for a jute bag or a bottle that they think might be useful, or sellable, the only word i can think of is 'struggle'.

this is an issue. not a small issue, an issue that involves and affects most of our indian nation. But why??? Don't we have the largest democracy, supposedly 'for the people' in the world?? is it so hard to provide a simple thing like education to the people. something that can give them some hope, to overcome their struggle? Some support from the country that these same people would give their lives for?

this is what my documentary would be about.


this is a very brief outlook.... ive seen to much to fit into one email....

Extreme Rant Vol 2 Ch 2 :: SAT 2 chemistry :: dance everybody!

the last week of my life has been hectic. I have had some very good experiences, and some very thoughtful moments. I've gotten to know the people around me.

Today, i feel blank. I want to tell you things that i cant, because there would never be words that are appropriate enough. Even the smallest of my emotions have been magnified. i can feel.

Maybe it is this state of exhaustion that has led me to let my guard down, but i like it. Tomorrow, i shall wake up, with a hundred reasons to give up. And i know that i will have to wait. I want to know what will be, but i must be patient.

As thoughts fill up my mind, i feel the need to pour them out. a place where i can preserve them forever. But each time i put them down on paper, their meaning is lost. That's when i realize that these thoughts are meant for me and me alone... i sit in front of someone, in silence, thinking of the words to use.... blank.

There's this emotion. Simplicity, Blank.

Poetry for the faint hearted - The Unicorns Ride

I'm not one to post poetry online, because it loses a lot of majesty and feeling when read on a computer monitor... but it has been a while... and i feel the need to update...

this poem is one of my favourites... it is soft, touching and colourful...

The Unicorn's Ride

Over your rainbow
A unicorn flew,
He was sent to find me...
He said by you.
"Climb aboard", he whispered,
"We must go for a ride..."
And into a portal of light
We rode inside.
The sky was so blue,
The fields so green,
With each explosion of light
Was a wonderful scene.
So happy we seem
And always together,
There was no end to your dream,
It just went on forever.
Then the unicorn said
"I have one more surprise..."
So we took off quickly
And pierced the sky.
Then I saw you sleeping
And dreaming in your bed...
I caressed your hair gently
And kissed you on your head.
The unicorn interrupted...
"I must now get you home,
But now that you've seen her dream,
May you never feel alone."
My heart is feeling heavy,
A fire burns inside.
Thank you so much my darling
For the unicorn's ride.

- Eric R. Hughes -