Rebirthing... the slow, painful, and cheaper way :)

I think I’m over the traumatic loss of my last week’s update… maybe I will blog about the loss of a memoir some other time…

Right now I’m on my way from Delhi to Mumbai on a plane, again… Maybe I should just fly around on planes for literary motivation because I always feel compelled to write when I’m flying hiiiiigh (literally speaking of course…) Just noticed that there is a fly on/in the plane… haha…. The irony :D …. I wonder if he knows he is going to a totally different world…. And he gets to fly completely free of cost…. Aaah… what a sweet life :D

Anyway, the first few minutes of this particular trip were quite fun…. I’m at a window seat and I just RE-realized how amazingly awesomely fun and cool it is to just stare out of a plane’s window as it takes off… as the huge trucks become tinier and tinier until they are miniature plastic toys… and you get all excited when you see a swimming pool or a golf course….

And as you get higher up, you can see the crop fields…. Huge rectangles and squares with perfectly straight borders….
And then you can see the cluster of houses and how all the roads seem to be radiating from them like little earthworms crawling away from each other
And then you are enveloped by soft cotton puffs of water…
And then you float on them for a while, as if the plane is not a plane, but actually a boat…

And you imagine this to be what heaven must look like….

How I long to get on the other side of this double glazed oval glass window and be swallowed by the fluffy white candy floss....

Shit happens.....

i had written a bunch of shit on the fifteen hour plane-trip to India about a week ago and had it ready to upload as soon as I could... It has now disappeared from my computer and I'm guessing, from existence....FML

oh well...

The King of Pop

MICHAEL JACKSON
(1958 - 2009)

The person that I am

There is this state of self knowing. It is something so ineffable because it is purely that. A state that you might be able to empathize or sympathize with or whatever, but you will never be here....never truely because it is mine and my own... I can try to share it with you but you will never understand... its like a place that i can push you to but you will never reach. Its that candle that burns in the distance. That glow that I long for you to see.... its warmth I long to share with you.... but you will never feel it. And in that solitariness, lies my downfall.

So then what is left? Where is that resonating space where you and I will thump to the same beat. Where our rhythms converge in this delightful swirl of melody and harmony and beat. My path is not perfect. I might not hit that sacrimonious note. But neither is yours. Your voice is as polluted as mine is. It is as corrupt and selfish. So then I ask of you. Where is that resonating space?

I know the person that I am.

Then the only question left to ask is this.

Do you?

Anything

there is this emotion....i see it in her eyes.. i hear it in her laugh... i feel it in her smile....

when do you see it? when do you see that raw emotion, no thought, no complication, just feeling? I saw it tonight. I felt it tonight. I know you will probably never come here so I can write this now and feel safe. You gave me freedom. In that one moment, in that one swift sweeping of my feet, I belonged to you.... you belonged to me.

I will probably never meet you again, but you were my lightning in that dark room. You were my purity through the intoxication. In that one moment, you gave me more than I could take in any lifetime to come. The scene was cliched, but you were your own. You discovered me with your eyes and your smile. I dissolved in your arms.

And then you were gone. As swift as you were to arrive, you vanished behind this curtain of complete anonymity. Complete anonymity.

Where am I now? What changes now? I know you will never see this and that is why I'm not scared of who reads it.

That feeling. That touch. It lingers on my skin. It lingers like an addiction being born. I can see your face but I don't remember it. I can see the blue in your eyes even now. If only I had something. Anything.