Masala! Mehndi! Masti!

I think it all started when I flew off my bike in a very action-movie-slow-motion-explosions-in-the-background-type setting. Well nobody was really around to see the flying... and the after-moment was like one of those extended "I banged my knee... ssssss aaaahhhh" scenes from Family Guy. Little did I know that that little adrenalin-injected moment would be the perfect kick-off to what would be a weekend filled with thrilling highs and anxious lows.

My first glimpse of what was to become MMM was a storage room filled with boxes. Boxes that seemed ordinary enough but were extraordinary in effect. The colors and pictures that had collected in those boxes, held memories that I suddenly longed to be in. If I could fill one of those boxes with these words, I will know that I mean something too. Those boxes gave us the river of color that the weekend sailed on, bobbing happily at the delight those colors brought to our eyes.

And then there were those oars, that sweated tirelessly to keep us all from drowning. Angels in 'MMM 10th Aniversary shirt' disguises, keeping a watch over everything and everyone. Some were rockstar angels too. Bald lawyering rockstar angels. Some were young and bored. But they all held their own, and together they held each other, arm in arm, like brothers and sisters. Their walkie-talkie crazed leader was like a knight in shining armor, leading his troops into a flower-flier war, all the while providing them with food coupons to keep their tummys' from grumbling. He had his generals, who were no less capable of being brave commanders, armed with comforting direction and good looks. I salute you all.

My Main Man always seemed to be around. He was 'Bob The Builder', disguised as long luscious Goldie Locks. And like all great men, he was making dreams a reality. He amplified a single voice to be heard by thousands, and he spot-lighted a single pair of feet to make waves under the feet of thousands more. He was the voice of words whispered. He had a team of men who spoke in code, making sure that they made everyone else around them seem idiotic at the least. And together, they gave the weekend its solid trusses.

The food was royal. The henna, the saris, the churis... the paintings, and the really cheap DVDs. They all ran under the watch of one Dada of Dadas. Like an architect, creating a civilization, he molded space and time into life. What a magician. Musicians in this kingdom,were provided so fitly, by the coolest man on set. A smile that never really faded, and a tranquility that matched his very sexy black Mercedes, this man always looked like he knew the answer to something.

There were a bunch of girls, I think I saw them frolicking around in the grass. They ran circles around egos and tended to the weekend like one would put together a million piece puzzle in two minutes. Armed with sticky notes, and Blackberrys, they put each piece in its proper place in space and time. They crushed crises and disorder with their twinkly heels, and managed to do it while looking sexy. Now there's some multitasking I could learn from.

There was no doubt though, that the hottest couple on site, were also the mum and dad of MMM. They were to be seen everywhere, especially at Maro, where they single-handedly got the party started. Dad walked around coolly with a camera in his hand at all times. He made sure that his baby was being seen by everyone, and that he had another album he could add to the collection. Mum was a statue of serenity and understanding. She was always there, asking people if they needed help, or giving out hugs if they didn't. She was so selfless, it was daunting, and somehow she gave me enough faith to believe that we are all good souls. I hope I can one day be a fraction of the person she is.

I have one tiny confession to make. I think I might have a puppy crush on you. I don't know why, but I feel kiddish and immature when you're around. Stumbling with words and not knowing where to look. Every time I saw you, you met me with that automatic grin, those wide bubbly eyes and a lingering thought written on the grooves on your forehead. I will always wonder what that thought could be. I owe you a parking pass. I'm sorry I didn't get it back....

To Abhishek and Jyoti, the only names that ring in anyone's ear at MMM. They didn't eat until everyone had eaten. They didn't sleep until everyone was tucked away. They broke clouds with their sunshine, and they brought a bottomless well of hope, faith, belief and whatever else you needed to steady yourself at that moment.

Abhishek has a heart so much bigger than his head, that it's starting to make his accountants a tad bit nervous. And just when you think that he will stop giving, he will have room for one more smile, or one more thought, or one more hug. He might not have time for two back to back sentences for you, but he will have time to drop you across town on the dawn of his biggest production ever. What a guy....

The only scene I can remember from the entire weekend of Jyoti is when she was trying to make those kids dance on stage. I don't think I've seen anyone smile like that before. If I could live off of your kisses and hugs, I would do MMM every weekend, every month, every year, all the time...

So as they say in the business.... WRAP UP!!!

Self Knowledge

And a man said, Speak to us of Self-Knowledge.

And he answered saying:

Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.

Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

- Kahlil Gibran

Pensive Moments

Sometimes, your relationship with yourself is the most burdensome.


It was the summer of love. A summer of warm skin and cool breezes. Children flying kites in open patches of grass, and embracing lovers on tiresome subway rides home. Eyes met in fond, knitted affection and fingers locked in determined, obsessive possession.

We all play our parts in the summer of love. Without jealousy, possession is never sweet. Without longing, the release is without relief. Without a copper tear, a golden smile is worthless.

And so I silently do my part, in this summer of love.

Dear Sir,

Dear Sir, Are you afraid?

Afraid of what?

Are you afraid that you are becoming dispensable. That tomorrow, people will wake up and see through the hypocrisy that are your thoughts? That your knowledge was never really your own, just a borrowed chapter to flower your ideals.....

All knowledge is borrowed, my dear. We are vessels that have a need to contain substance. Each with our own twist of flavour and zest. Without that, I would be empty and hollow. The substance might not be my own, but I will try my best to extract the holiest of water from the holiest of rivers, the spiciest flavours, from the wildest fields, and the sweetest sugars from the most colorful hearts. My vessel will be a spot of bringing together for a thing known but for things unknown. And together, when all is said and done, I would have created new knowledge. Unique and scrumptious, waiting for someone else to add it to their vessel.

At the end of the day, these thoughts are never my own. Words are always borrowed from dictionaries written by other people. Actions are mimicked, songs are covered, and philosophies are relived by different souls. It is true, the strive for our uniqueness, or our meaningfulness is sometimes lost in this confusing world that never seems truly ours. But I don't worry because I know that with every new taste I add to my vessel, and share with someone else, I am giving in to a system that was never my own, but embraces me with open arms to become a part of. Today I am standing at the edge of this sphere of understanding, and tomorrow I will take one small step towards the center, and the next day I will take another, until one day I reach the core of it all.

And maybe when I reach there, I might just find my soul...

So I guess, yes... I am a little afraid.

Extreme Rant uncut... Sleepless part 3

I have three pillows on my bed. A little excessive I know, but I like pillows. What can I do. I'm lying in bed now. 4:54am in the morning. I have my eyes closed, and trying to find sleep. I can feel all three pillows under me. I am conscious of them being where they are. The thoughts of today are lingering in my head. I had a tennis match which I lost. First match I've played in over two years. Somehow I was fine and dandy with losing. Had a nice talk with dad later on about it. Watched another episode of House. Brilliant as always. Youtube is down today.. was gonna scout some more recipes to try out. The music on stereomood.com is playing. Still trying to find sleep. I can count my breath now. I've held my breath for about a minute. That pillow under my head is getting uncomfortable now. I take a deep breath and roll my eyes even though they are shut. I get dizzy when I do that, sort of a dazed moment to forget my thoughts and find sleep.

And then I'm thinking again. What is it to find sleep? That moment of utter unconsciousness. Totally mindless and bodiless. I'm lying in bed and thinking to myself, maybe if I lie here long enough with my eyes closed like this, I can fool myself that this is sleep and then open my eyes tomorrow morning wide awake.

But really, do you ever remember that transition between awake and asleep? It happens so suddenly even though it feels like a slow slide. All I can remember is letting the muscles of my eyelids go limp, and the creases on my forehead relax. Something in my mind goes, 'Alright boys, time for lights out'. And in the next moment, I'm in my dreamy world of memories and fantasies of lives I wish I had lived or may some day live.

I can never find it though. Not when I'm looking for it. It always finds me first. I'm ready when it comes. Tight and snug in between my three pillows and cozy blanket. There might just be a sandman, lingering around here in my room, waiting at 5:08am for the perfect moment to take me away for the night.

I guess sometimes that is just how it is... you spend your life trying to find answers and people and objects and pieces to the puzzle and yourself, and suddenly you forget where you put your sleep. Now you are trying to find your sleep and you need to take two steps backward. But what you have really forgotten is not where you put your sleep, but how you found it in the first place.

So now I lie in bed at 5:16am, writing this, thinking about today, listening to music, and trying my hardest not to find sleep. Nighty night.