Revival Rant 2011

Off late I have contemplated giving up ROTD. I have come to the realization that diplomacy rules all, where a secret ritual becomes meaningless if it is shared, or a heavily opinionated judgment could genuinely hurt someone. The blog posts I used to write were full of those scandalous thoughts and I didn't really care to think about who I was writing about or even who I was writing for.

Aah, but we all must grow up and I think it's happening to me too. Not so much so that I am maturing, but rather that I am understanding that people take you seriously because they think that you should know better now. I can't not be serious now because it is simply not allowed. I would be thought of as irritating and childish.

So I continue to do grown up things but now I can't blog. My vocabulary has shrunk down to the dictionary of diplomacy and self-censorship, and living becomes a day to day chore of making sure that I am in good standing with my community. It is frankly, the most boring and dull thing that I have ever been through.

A few years ago, I used to contemplate happiness quite seriously. I remember I came upon the conclusion that one can become happy instantly just by deciding to be happy in that moment. It is truly and simply a consciousness of your radiating vibes, and you do decide whether they are happy or sad. At that time, I thought that I was the ultimate guru of enlightened happiness, and in my own way I was. But it seems that I have forgotten a lot about who I was and the ideals that I had set out for myself.

I spent the last few days reading through ROTD, backwards. It's amazing how you can see transformation in thought patterns through the time. And I did notice that I had begun to become very serious in my writing and in my thoughts as well. That last post gives me a headache if I try reading it now.

So anyway, here is to returning back to the old, happy, donut loving, jumping, frolicking and funning blog that I had started out with. And if anyone is ever offended by my lack of diplomacy, I would suggest they do some growing up themselves :)

Late night rant... A pseudo masterpiece

Write a masterpiece, write write write! Don't be forgotten, not now no! Write to be seen, to free your ego, to feed your ego, write write write! don't ever stop writing, for if you do, you might just stop breathing. Don't stop those thoughts, let them flow like the wildest rivers of the world. Let them flow flow flow! Flow away into the horizon, where the sun fades away, a never ending goodbye, the greatest promise of tomorrows rise, the greatest lie. And I struggle, oh how I struggle to believe you, but I will sleep tonight, because I am tired, and naive, but I keep tense with anticipation. sleep sleep sleep! Oh how sweet are the child's dreams. How happy he lies, with a smile on his face. Sleep forever, never awake to this harsh reality. Sleep if you can for just another moment. Just sleep and never awake.

But the world is running, and if you close your eyes, you might just miss this life. So start running after your ambition. Run run run! Run, for if you fall behind, you will be left behind forever. Oh what potential to do great things. Oh what a waste. What a waste waste waste! But who are we to judge. Who are you to judge? Who are you? Keep your sympathy in your pocket for a rainy day. Live now in silence, for we need to hear the spirits dance and sing. Don't talk for with every word that is said, this soul gets tainted, darkened and dulled. Aah the fear, to be dulled to oblivion. No, don't forget me now, for if you do, I will cease to exist. I grab on to this existence with both my hands. I grab onto you with both my hands, for I am hanging, on the edge of my mind, on tilt, forever hanging.

Feel this earth under your feet. Feel that it is real. Feel feel feel. Feel how it tremors through your body, and lays the weight of the world on your mind. Oh the decisions decisions decisions. Like quick sand, it pulls you closer to your roots, where you came from. Pulling pulling pulling you with your own thoughts. Burdens of infinite lives, but you are just one man. Just one man. Just one. Small, insignificant, what can you do? Can you change the world? Do you have the answers? The answers to the mysteries and phantoms that can save us. Have you arrived, our savior, our messiah, our godsend.

Or are you just like me? Normal and ordinary. Are your words as empty as the wind? To be carried away into the moonlit night. This beautiful candle light. This beautiful candle light. If your words mean nothing, the let us stop here. Stop for a moment, and collect all that we know and search hard for a tune that fits this still moment. And let me take you by the hand, and if the tune is right, then we will sing. We will sing sing sing, in a language unknown, for the lyrics will not matter, in an alien tune, for the harmony will become only ours and only for this moment.

I miss you. Your soft, small face. Your eyes, weightless, as if you saw a different world. All the promises we made, to invest our love and our lives in one another. All the dreams we shattered... I thought I could forget you, but you linger on my mind, like a song stuck in repeat. You would never know it, but I miss you.

Aah but it matters not. Not in this superfluous world. Fill your sorrows with ipods and ipads and blackberrys and green fairies. Fill your life with a cloud of people you cannot see, or touch or feel. Meditate and lose your reality, for all that is left to experience is death. And we shall tread on until we are ended, or until we have begun.

Tread on into another day, into another promise, but don't stop writing. No don't stop writing, for if you do, you might just stop breathing...

No words today...

Twinkle... part 3

Click here for part 1, and here for part 2.

She sat on the sofa, in her jammys. Her thick square plastic framed glasses on the edge of her nose. She was reading a book. One of those fat fantastical novels that she loves. I knew she was concentrating hard because she was nibbling on her lower lip and had on a hint of a smirk. The power had gone out again, so she sat by a tall candle whose flame flickered near her face. The tiny light seemed to lay itself so gently on her skin making her cheeks glow with contentment, and cast the most delicate shadow on her nose and lips. It was as if the candle was painting reflective lines of thought on her face. And as it did so, her simple, calm chi filled the room with a cozy warmth. Wisdom and understanding danced with her youth. She was aware of everything around her, and everything seemed to gravitate towards her, just like that fluttering candle-light.

And as I stood in the shadows of the doorway, hoping that the power would stay out for just another moment, I wondered hard on what I had ever done to deserve this much happiness.

Does it ever feel like...

Does it ever feel like you are sitting in the bleachers, watching your own life play by play? Like you can see the place that this path of yours is leading you to, but you never seem to be getting any closer? Does it ever feel like you wish you were living a legendary, epic existence, but it never feels like that in this moment? Like you wish you had explored so many more places, and seen so many more things, and done so much more mischief. That you feel like you need to burst out of this skin and let out your crazy chi. Like you need to find out what you are actually capable of.

Does it ever feel like you need to be alone? Like you need a breath of silence and calm, so that you can hear yourself again. So that you can become conscious of your presence again. Like you need to take a deep breath and start this over. A clean, fresh start. Does it ever feel like you want to tell those thousand other voices to shut up so that you can listen to your own? Like you need to stop becoming the consequence of someone else's life, and start becoming your own anthology? Like you need to be selfish, just this once? Because just this once, is all you have...