Picture Rant ...The Subway

These are a few pics i took in Toronto... mostly in August when i was using the subway everyday...

I've said this before, but i shall remind... I'm not much of a photographer... but I'd like to know what you think either way...

Not so Extreme Rant looong post.... the end and the rest....

There are some things in life that matter, and some things that are just not worth the sweat. Its tough to choose the right and appropriate moments to lose your cool, because there is a thin line between hot-temperedness and low self esteem.

*****

Sowww... the first half-year-chapter of my independent life has come to a very subtle close. How does one describe a period of time? What really defines it. The wars that were fought... the speeches that were made.... the new episodes of heroes that were aired... there are so many ways to look at a slice of time. Sometimes, a single moment could suffice to describe an entire era. The flip of a card or the toss of a coin could make history.

Let me start with the end, which in most stories is the most exciting bit anyway (not the case here since technically this is the beginning.... *whaa?*). So Umer and i went to the airport on the subway/bus, which was quite a pleasant journey(thank god). We had a Timmy’s coffee and i proceeded onto my metal bird.

There were three things about the airport that seem to be stuck in my mind. The first was on my way to the gate. You know how there are sometimes those walking escalator thingys? well there was one here and on the outside edge of the escalator was a heightened ledge(about a foot off the ground). As soon as i saw the ledge, my first instinct was to walk on it(no surprises there), but i didn’t. I don't know why i didn’t, and as i was contemplating on the thought, a little girl skipped past me. Of course she was doing her skipping on the ledge.

This whole incident, as uneventful as it seems to be, made me think about the difference between little Udai, and UofT Udai... What i found was that even though i yearned to give into to my little Udai, something held me back. I wonder what it was....



The second eventful moment occurred at the terminal(the place where we sit and wait to get onto metal bird). As at most terminals, the wall facing the planes is generally a massive window. So one is able to see the planes doing their thang... In one section of the terminal, there were two boys(who looked like brothers) who were playing with paper planes.I thought the moment was noteworthy just because it looked cool. If you were standing behind them, you could see them playing with their paper planes, and right in front of them, these huge mothers screaming at full throttle down runways.



The third and final (more significant) moment would bring you to my current state (lappy in lap and typing). I got onto me plane, trembling with excitement. I found my seat, which was a very convenient aisle seat, and got comfy. The girl next to me seemed to be in an unrest about something. A few moments later she asked me if i could swap seats with her boyfriend whose seat was in the same row as us, but in the middle section. I know how irritating it can be not sitting next to the person you’re traveling with, so i agreed (not thinking twice). So i gave up my aisle seat for the boyfriend.

At that time, i was too tired to think twice about it... but five minutes later, i realized that i could have kept my isle seat and made the couple happy by asking her to give up her seat to sit with her boyfriend in the middle. Instead the couple got their seats and the comfort, and who lost? Oh well its just a stupid seat(that I'm gonna spend the next 15 hours in). Big deal...

I can still see them from here, cuddling and hopelessly in love. The thoughts that followed to enter my mind greatly troubled me. One realization that i came upon was that I always act before i think, and because of this, that pang of regret is always around and ready.

The second emotion that hit me was jealousy. To see them like that, it nearly sickened me. I wanted that.

******

And so to the beginning... aah yes, college. Words that could describe the last four months for me... free, musical, new, different... a lot of words come to mind, but none would envelope the entire experience. Yes, it was a good experience. It was definitely not what i expected.... awesome at times, and sometimes, not so awesome. I learned a fair bit about the that person i am and the person that i want to be....

At the end of the day, all is well and good... coz, in a few hours, I'll be home.

booh yeah!

Brief Extreme Rant... The House Always Wins

I play his game. I roll his dice. I succumb to the insanity of him. I make the mistakes.

I make the mistakes knowing full well that the only thing that matters in this place is The House. Nothing else matters. Not even me.

But I still play.

Question and Answer session with myself.... part 1

Sometimes it's hard to know who you are from being you... sometimes you need to step out of your own skin and see yourself as you would see any other person... So here goes nothing...

Why do you regret?

Regret is toxic. To reflect on something I should have done... to think about how different my life would be if i had done things right... To never feel that completeness... I long to be complete... the opportunities that came my way, and the way i let them go by... I could have been better... I could have been stronger, smarter, faster...
I regret because i long to feel complete.

But i know that feeling... I've felt it so many times... I've felt it, but I was always feeling it in my own silence... I never got to share those complete moments with the world... I still have something to prove, and until then, i will regret.

What do you want?

This one's tricky! Well its like this... You know how you are never really satisfied with what you have, and you always want what you don't have? That's kind of what I want... everything that i don't have, even thought that might mean me wanting to not having anything because i have everything that i want....

Wow that's a bit confusing...elaborate?

Let's start from scratch... What i want is to be alive... that's a start...
umm... I want to be awesome(Yea! i like that one)...
I want to be smart... I want to be athletic... I want to be respected
I want to be wanted... I want to be in tune with you... I want to help you find your way when you are lost...
I want to find my way...
but that means i want be something that would help myself get something that i want...

this doesn't get any less confusing apparently....

I want to be vulnerable and i want to be confident... I want to have a story that leads somewhere... i want to mean something to me... I want to understand you and i want to understand me... I want to be stubborn and i want to be flexible...

I guess i want to be a paradox....


p.s... i dunno if I've ever followed up a blog that ive posted in parts, but i like to leave the possibility of a part 2 always :D

p.p.s...if you are feeling in one of those self-contemplation moods... pick up a pen and write down the questions that trouble you... see what happens...

The boy who lived part 1

This is the story of a young boy named Timothy Swanson. Timmy, as his friends liked to call him, was nothing much to look at. Blond, curly hair, sky blue eyes and a figure that hinted at malnutrition. Timmy was only eleven years old, and he went to the University of Toronto. He started school in early September, way back in the year 2008.

Now as you can already tell, Timmy was no ordinary boy. He was special in a lot of ways. But the past is boring, so let us not dwell on it too much(to save the light of human interest) and let's fast-forward to the interesting bits....

The month of September went by in a flash, and with each day that passed, Timmy learned something new about himself. Imagine the wisdom he gained to this day! October 9th, 5am in the morning.... that's a lot of self realization....

But anyway, the past is boring(deja vu?). And with that awesome segway, i bring you into the present life of Timothy Swanson.
***

Today was a strange day. It started out like any other day, and soon turned into a sleepy day... let me elaborate to the best i can......

i slept... a lot.......

there was no motive behind my sleep... i hadn't been up late the night before. I wasn't tired, but I slept. And oh how sweet today's slumber was.

My sleepiness began in the afternoon at the computer labs, where i was hopelessly trying to figure out what the hell a pascals triangle looked like. After about 30 minutes of intense and completely unproductive programming, i pushed the keyboard aside (with a passion i might add) and lay my head down on my extremely fluffy red jacket :D

two hours late, i awake, and realize that its two hours later. i decide to take this intense action to my bed(no innuendo intended...)

The computer labs and my bed are quite far apart... and this brings me to the highlight of my day - the walk home.

It was raining outside. It wasn't really raining, more like a sprinkle of little drops of awesomeness. The sky was white. People around me were going insane!(seeking refuge under umbrellas from this outraged idea of water falling from the sky) and i was walking home.

The leaves on the trees have started to turn a shade of yellow. Most of them had fallen off their branches. Now they just lay on the ground, covering the footpath. They looked tired and beat down by the sprinkle of awesomeness. To me, that just seemed straight up weak. but maybe I was looking at them all wrong... They lay on the footpath, still. No more swaying in the wind, no more work, no more anything...
just stillness.

And as i reflected on this thought, the most picturesque scene i could think of popped into my head...

"And as i reflected upon this extremely profound analogy that had probed me to self-conjure some insight, i stood still. The rain was still sprinkling(for the lack of a better word) and the people around me were still distraught with insanity, but i stood still. I closed my eyes and raised my head, pretending to look up into the heavens. Indeed it was all very picturesque :D"

However, i have come to realize that I am far from perfect, and this life is far from picturesque. So instead i quickened my step, and went straight to bed.

Indeed today was a sleepy day.

Extreme rant.. Inspiration ch 1. Kevin

Inspiration comes in different shapes and sizes... the next few lines are written because I was momentarily lifted very very high, and I need to remember that moment.

*

The first time I saw him, I was amazed. Well over six feet tall, athletic beyond measure - a man who clearly respected himself. He didn't say much to me, but in the few words that he did say, I knew he treated me with a certain respect as well... it was strange. I was nobody to him...

He stood on the court, silent. It was clear to see his compassion for the sport and his respect for the lines he stood within, but at that moment, he was still.
His focus was overwhelming.

*

Sometimes the spirit of sport doesn't lie in competition. Medals and trophies lose luster with time. A legacy can so easily be forgotten.

Sometimes it is enough to simply understand an art - to practice it, to culture yourself to grow with it, to discipline yourself to respect it.

An understanding that would last a lifetime, perhaps longer.

In his stillness, I saw that he was on a path of understanding, and I was inspired to join him.

You summed it up so simply.

"Just for fun man, just for fun"

here we go

so this is what life is like... nobody to wake you up in the morning.. nobody to do your laundry for you or get you lunch or make you a cup of coffee...

so this is what life is like... when nobody knows who you are.. nobody cares about who you are... invisible....

i had it easy... i had money in my pocket... a place to go to once in a while... someone to meet...

and yet i sit here, realizing how precious those goodnight kisses were....

Extreme Rant ... Free Falling

I remember it like it was yesterday. How twenty-seven years can just blow by, I know not. All I know is that I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was night, a Wednesday. I felt a gentle breeze, unknown to those three hundred feet below me. Sometimes when I sit in this rotting wooden chair and reflect, I can still feel the tenderness of that breeze. My feet were dangling from the edge, so free that they swayed in unison with the birds that flew overhead. I closed my eyes and looked up to the stars. My eyes were closed but I could see each star, bright as ever. They shone so bright that I could feel my shadow behind me, dancing in delight. He wasn't around much at night.

I wanted to go there, where the stars were. I always knew I didn't belong here. This feeling....it confused me, muddled my thoughts. I tried hard to think, to reason, but I couldn't concentrate. I was distracted by the sound of the incessant thumping of my heart. I wished that the sounds of the cars on the road below were louder so as to drown out the shrieking protests of my heart. I took solace in knowing that there would be silence soon.

And then I was flying. I felt gravity leave my body. I felt no weight. I flew to the past. I saw myself as a child, doing what children do. I saw myself as a wanting man, doing what men do. I saw myself as I am now, full of imperfection, but seeking fulfillment in the night's sky.

And then I was falling. Faster and faster and faster towards that hard, bitter ground. I could feel my skin begin to burn with the heat. And in a moment I was there. The dirt on the ground vaulted into the air to welcome me.

The dirt was eager, but i was not. I felt a gentle breeze, unknown to those among the stars. The breeze held me suspended, a foot from the ground. She cradled me as a mother would her child. In a moment I felt heavy again, but she took the weight.

I opened my eyes, and I was here again, my feet dangling from the edge. The tenderness of the breeze against my skin.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

EPIPHANY - Staind

Your words they make just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
And the words just disappear

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things i should have said

So i speak to you in riddles
'Cause my words get in my way
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
'Cause i can't take anymore of this
I wanna come apart
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart

'Cause it's always raining in my head
Forget all the things i should have said

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention
Yet i always try to hide
'Cause i talk to you like children
Though i don't know how i feel
But i know i'll do the right thing
If the right thing isn't fear

'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things i should have said

Extreme Rant... I am what you make of me....

I really like to write about myself, but i just realized that I am what i am because of you... so this one's for you

You cared about me the most even though u didn't need to. You trusted me because you understood who i was, and when i let you down, you forgave me in an instant. You always spoke your mind and you were never afraid of what people thought. You taught me that friends always come first. What you didn't realize is that when you needed me, I needed you more, and when you thought that i was there for you, it was actually you who was there for me.
***

If i have achieved anything the past few years, it's because of you. You showed me so much about myself because you were able to see me in a way that no one ever could. You stood by me when i needed someone, even though i never asked. You knew my imperfections, but instead of ignoring them, you embraced them as a part of me. Together, we discovered music, and it has changed both our lives forever. We spoke about everything, and yet, we never ran out of things to talk about. People could spend a lifetime looking for a friend like you, but more than my friend, you were my brother.
***

You were my big bundle of joy, spectacular in your very special way. You valued the small things in our friendship, and we shared something very unique in this simplicity. You appreciated me when nobody else did, and I know that you meant every word you said. We might not have much in common, but you shared and understood my feelings in such a profound manner and you made it easy to be your friend. You were always humble, even when you never got the credit that you deserve. There are very few people who are as awesome as you are, and even fewer as lucky as I am, to have you as my friend.
***

1, 2, 3, OLA!

i have neglected this place for quite some time, and i dont like that i have.


what is nirvana? can you close your eyes right now, take a deep breath and experience that overwhelming feeling of absolute connection with the air that cushions your body? can you feel that electrifying static of energy that is ready to bound from your skin at any given chance? do you feel alive in this moment?

i admit that i am impatient. when it comes to feeling good, i want to feel good now! but sometimes things take time. people take time and emotions take time to develop and it pisses the hell out of me, but thats just the way it is right? but i also like to think i have a choice. i have a choice to feel good whenever i want and my reason for doing so is the simple fact that having the choice of feeling good at any given time kinda makes me feel good.. :P

so i am going to jump, and i am going to sing, and i am going to dance and i am going to shout at the top of my lungs so that everyone around me knows that i feel good and that they have a choice to do the same. i am not going to spend my words on searching for my happiness, for the simple fact is that my silence will let me hear it coming towards me, and when i close my eyes i will see it surround me, and when i take a deep breath, i will smell it and feel it enter me.

and then i will be happy.

extreme rant...so true

Do you ever feel like there are some days that you just don't feel like yourself... its one of those feelings that you cant really describe, but ill try anyway....

i feel like there's this huge rock sitting on my chest, and it keeps getting heavier and heavier. I feel like its impossible to carry my own weight anymore... i don't control the words i say, the things i do...

I miss you, who ever you are, wherever you are... i need you right now

Extreme Rant Volume 2 billion Ch 1... Dear Sir,

'Are you afraid sir?'
'Afraid of what?'
'Afraid sir, of being inadequate. Afraid that you have come this far, and you find that there is someone stronger, faster, smarter than you are. Afraid that even though you are in the right place at the right time, you really are not.'
'All the time.'

'Are you hurt sir?'
'Hurt?'
'Yes sir, hurt. Hurt that while you lay to rest at night, there is someone out there who is sweating blood to be better than you. Hurt that nothing ever works out the way you imagine. Hurt that you are alone.'
'I guess I am...'

'So then why do you do it sir? Why do you continue down this road of fallacy and hopelessness? Why don't you just give up?'

'I... I don't know...'

American Idol Season 7 What I Think!!

Aight.. i need to do this post now because i fear it will be too late in 6 weeks time... This post is my attempt to knock some sense into anyone who comes to this page and doesnot agree with this post (i think that about covers everyone).

Im going to keep this short and sweet... here are my top five american idol performances and my top four contestants this year... and i doubt the latter list will change...

Contestants:
4. Syesha Mercado (Yes, he said it)
3. Carly Smithson
2. Michael Johns
1. David Cook

Performances:

5. Michael Johns - We Are The Champions - Week 3


4. Syesha Mercado - I Will Always Love You - Week 4


3. Carly Smithson - Come Together - Week 1


2. Michael Johns - It's All Wrong - Week 4



1. (drum roll) David Cook - Billie Jean - Week 3



I dare anyone to disagree!!! muahahahahaha

Never Meant To Be.....Really LONG POST No. 1...

have you ever thought that some things were never meant to be? I guess its easier to dismis those things as a written in our fate rather than to accept them as somethin that we could have controled... i guess fate is another word for the past...

The next few of my posts are going to be some essays that i had written for college applications...here is the first one

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you:


The summer of 2007, I decided to join a group called the Special Family Support group. I got the opportunity to work with children with special needs. During this time, I met a very special girl. Leah is eight years old and she has multi-sensory disorder.

Leah affected me from the moment we met. I spent most of my summer with her, in silent conversation. The words that she couldn’t say were amplified in her silence, and thus they had twice the effect on me. I heard her thoughts and not her words. What did we talk about? We talked about everything, from her freedom to her institutionalization. We talked about the sun and the stars, the air and the rain. She had an unadulterated innocence that was magnetic. I feel special because I am able to see something special within Leah. This is what makes my bond with her so strong.

In today’s fast paced world, it has become increasingly easy for us to dismiss our surroundings. We see and hear what we wish to and so we are trapped within this illusion that is created by our own egos. Today, we don’t have time to stop and listen. We can’t even find time to pause for a moment and observe the beauty that surrounds us. We have lost that strong human instinct of curiosity. Leah has all the time in the world, and all she wants to do is listen. All she wants to do is see nature in its true beauty, and in that, she becomes a part of nature. Leah inspires me to look deep within myself and to find my own light. She inspires me to move others around me, not with meaningless words, but with my thoughts and actions.

Leah is important to me not only because she has touched me at such a profoundly deep level, but also because she has shown me that my life is much more than a mundane day to day experience. Her attitude towards living is something that everyone can learn from. She is not burdened by the setbacks that she faces. She does not let her physical being affect her and this is why I believe that Leah is such a strong character at a much deeper level.

I have changed a lot since my encounter with Leah. I have become more aware and in tune with the people around me. Now, I am able to express myself more freely. Furthermore, I am able to better assess my own character because I am not burdened with the superficial expectations of society. There will always be barriers and restrictions that will prevent me from allowing these deep emotions to overwhelm me. I am ready to accept my social obligations and responsibilities. However, these barriers do not exist within me and I know that at my core, my soul will always be free, forever learning, forever experiencing and forever feeling, just like Leah.

The Day After Today

My exams are over. Comp was ok, chem was aight, evs was evs. They were exams. They don’t deserve their own posts. Stupid exams.

I've had a lot of time on my hands to think and reflect on a lot of things that I generally don’t notice or rather bother to think and reflect about normally. Most of these thoughts are temporary whims that I can't remember even 10 minutes after I have thought them, although I do believe them to be worthwhile solely for the fact that I am thinking them in the first place and the hesitations that is outwardly shown does not exist inwardly. *I’m sorry people but this is a rant... if you are beginning to get a headache now, either stop, or take an aspirin and continue*

When I try to write down what I think, it's never perfect because I know that even though I know that the words that I need to say what I want exist, they fleet me in a horrendous traitorous manner and leave me dry with what I have in hand. Then, I shall try to do with what I have for there is no choice left at this point in time and space.

The questions that entice my thoughts are generally unfathomable to begin with, but they do provoke me to think about other things. This time in my life is supposed to be enriched with intense emotions from deep memories and the conclusion of what is supposed to be a chapter in the book that is my life. Why do I feel no different? Yesterday I was trying to put together this crazy puzzle that is my life, and today I am doing it all over again, and I know that I’ll be doing it again tomorrow. I don’t feel at all for my school life, and for the first 17 years and 9 months of my life. The past has become near meaningless and suddenly I am falling into this pit of routine. The things that I do may be different. The people might be new and the mannerism of living might change, but I feel the same.

Don't get me wrong.... I hardly feel suicidal. I enjoy living my life and being happy (most of the time). In fact I sometimes enjoy sadness and loneliness as well. But I sometimes question whether my life would be anything more than just that. I feel like a video game that has been played ruthlessly enough to become predictable, a TV show that carves out definite characters who are forced to take a stand and have an opinion on everything. There IS a flame that burns inside of me, longing for something more than this excuse for a meaningful life. I could accomplish and conquer anything that I want and I know it, but where will I ever find my own true pricelessness.

I'm through pretending that I’m satisfied with this life. I want more and I’m not afraid to ask for it. I want to be optimistic so I will be and damn you all who think this cry is a false lullaby to calm my own senses. Today I issue a warning to the world. Be prepared, because when I come at you, you will be shocked. You will be terrified and you will be awed.

If there is truth in the saying that the brightest flame burns the quickest, then I shall take my stand now. But I ask only one thing from you. Let me burn the brightest that I can. LET me shine.

The Phoenix Suns

I rarely do a post like this over here. Infact i think this is the first time i am stepping out of my blogging norm... either way it don’t matter.

I just finished listening to a basketball match between the Suns and the Spurs... i get to tune in to the occasional NBA match on one of the US radio networks and it’s awesome even though it’s only audio...

Well... i support the Phoenix Suns not only because they are a heck of a team, but also because the Suns probably have the hardest working players in the league (aside from Kobe, Lebron, Garnett and the Pistons). These set of 12 players strive to play a traditional fast paced and action packed 48 minutes of basketball even if it means that they have to put in a lot more effort than other teams, and i think that they deserve due appreciation for that.

What i don’t like to see as a sports fan and a sports person, are extremely qualified and talented sportsmen that take cheap shots and get cheesy on the court. Tony Parker would top my list of sports-asses, and close in second would probably be his coach Gregg Popovich. There’s no doubt that they both have a lot of passion and are awesome at what they do, but the manner in which they conduct themselves is really disgraceful. If there is anyone out there who disagrees, feel free to rebut.

The Suns beat the Spurs today in an extremely thrilling match that went down to the final minutes of play. Despite the moments of yuckyness that the Spurs brought to the game, coupled with a bunch of knuckleheaded referees, the Suns managed to pull through. To me, the win doesn’t matter much, and i know it won’t affect the league in a huge way either. Rather it’s the awesome display of kickass attitude that the Suns showed that makes me feel proud to be a fan.

My feelings can be summed up by what Nash said after the game, responding to a question about the irresponsible refereeing. I'm not going to quote him because i don't want to get it wrong, but what he said was -
That's[refereeing] a battle that you can't win and sometimes it drains a lot of energy from you, but you've got to keep your head up and focus on the game and play as hard as you can.

Awesome awesome awesome!

Examotions part 3 - MATESSSSS

maths is fun fun fun
numbers here n numbers there
where do all the numbers go
when the lights go dowwwwwwn
i think i know where all the numbers goooo

they've all become volvo driving soccer moms!


maths is awesome... there aint nothin better than a whole bunch of x's and y's and pies
aparently maths has more of those than numbers but its all good when it comes down to mates!

Examotions Part 2 - Physics

Its about an hour before my physics exam and i am filled with mixed feelings... physics in modern high has always been about finishing whats on the index page so i could cross it out, and sometimes i do regret not taking out that little time to know something extra...

Somehow, everything seems to make sense and everything has a reason in the world of physics. All the rules and laws binding us all to this place is basically what physics is about... Reminds me of the things in this world that are just out of our control... feels nice not to have control over everything in my life...

I like physics because it is perfect in every respect... theres always a logical solution to every question. Physics is the epitome of idealism ... almost like a dreamworld... that world of physics is an ideal world of awesome perfection and this is what makes physics pretty cool...

still cant wait to get it over with though :P

Examotions Volume 2 part 1 - ELit

February is nowhere near the shortest month in the year. Well the buzz nowadays is focused on this new studying fad, and because my school is different, all the cool kids are doin it...

Tis roughly 11 hours before my literature test, and this weekend has been very up-and-down for me... literature has always forced me to ask questions about how i am living my own life and it pushes me to think a lot... and thinking is very tiring...
Here are some of the questions that have gone through my mind... maybe if i share them with you, you could find something new about yourself...

I have lived my life grabbing each and every opportunity that i could.. making the best of it... i have won praise and respect... when i leave this place, what will that be worth?

I have lived quite an eventful life, full of people, memories and experiences both good and bad... if i had the chance, would i live it over again and do things differently? What do i have to regret?
If i die tomorrow, could i say that i was ready? does my life really belong to me?

Have i ever witnessed something majestic? Have i ever felt complete, enlightened, full? Have i ever been able to connect with anything at the most profound level... how shallow have i been, and what has it blinded me from seeing? Do i really cherish the small, inanimate, silent things in life?

To what extent would i go to get what i want? would i be able to let go of things i love to discover something new? how would i be able to deal with change and goodbyes?

Sorry billy, but i disagree with you on this... Confusion hath yet to make its masterpiece

p.s if u want the daily scoop on our exams like Anish had documented them last year... you will find it here

change

shaun marion got traded to the heat, and shaq came to the suns.. marcus banks' story got lost somewhere in between...

change is hard. its really hard. letting go is worse... leaving something behind and moving onto new things... we did it in that poem .. Journey of the Magi... something about every death being a necessity for a rebirth.

i remember as a kid... when i was over at Sahil/Kapils place... i never wanted to go home.. i would fight with my mom to let me stay over after a party... i never wanted it to end....

its in my nature to hold on to things tightly... never come down from the high of the rainbow...even though coming down might carry the possibility of a pot of gold tomorrow...

as a kid... i was innocent... i lived in the moment and i never wanted that moment to end.....

so tell me... am i wrong? am i wrong in wanting to live this moment forever instead of growing up and learning something new? please tell me


p.s sorry nishant... im not really bothering about punctuation... i know it might be more difficult to read and all that... but im really too lazy :P

Extreme rant...where to begin.. simple perfection

i have a lot to write, but im not going to write it all at once, because each post is very different from the other.. im going to start tho with this one. its an i-like-to-return-to-the-classics kind of thing dating back to the time when there was this emotion.....

well...theres this emotion :D its momentary, a flicker a snatch of for-the-lack-of-a-better-word-enlightenent.

I don't know many basketball players personally. Infact, i can count the number of people that i know enjoy the game. I play basketball, and i know many a person that finds this strange, because like all sports, it is a very strange avocation.

But theres something enchanting about basketball. For that one moment, one split second, when i jump and toss the ball with subconscious-awesome-precision, and the ball finds nothing but the bottom of the net... swwwwwwwiishh

that is perfection. It cannot get better than that feeling, that moment of elation-joy-awesome. It is then that i feel that nothing separates MJ the great from Udai the 5'7" tosser. The next shot could be a brick, but it is in that moment... that moment...It cannot get better than that.

Extreme Rant - Amalgamation

have you ever felt like the world around you is falling apart. just like a bad dream or a really horrible movie that you dont really want to watch, things begin to go wrong. theres this intense feeling of lonliness as if you are the only one who can see these things around you fall apart. nobody can understand the feeling i feel right now. i am the only one who feels it. others could feel the same way as i do. they could experience the same twist of emotions, but there is only one me. you cannot be me and feel this.

sympathy is hard to come by in a world of shameful silence. i type these words being an utmost hypocrite. a cynic and a useless bystander... chosing not to do anything about it...

when had i made this choice?

have you ever felt like you are missing out? the intensity of an mp3 recording is near to lifeless. the songs on the radio seem to forever be trapped. the winds seem restricted.... the rain falls with permission... so whats left? why does time play these tricks with me. i know that nobody belongs to time... and yet we all do belong to time... why does it tempt me with things it cannot give me?

everytime i jump, i come back to the ground. two feet high... maybe a few more inches... and then i return. one second... maybe another moment... and then i return.

everything that leaves the ground must return, a law discovered by a man who sat under an apple tree. it was nature that showed him the light....

who is nature? can i befriend nature, request her to change her laws... to make an exception.

i have gone through this moment so many times in my head. i dream about it, even when im not asleep... and yet i dont want it bad enough. if i wanted it so much... if i needed it... i would grab it with both hands, because i can see it...

it lies on a shelf... 10 feet above my head...

so now i stand at a junction and i ask you... whoever you are... to give me strenght
give me strength to rise above myself... to flood this land with the awesome passion that fills me...
or else drain me... drain me and my spirit and my soul... for i shall be worth nothing but dry dust that covers the walls in eternal wait.

Ramble On

New Year's Resolutions:
1. To be awesome.
2. To fly.