Sunday, February 23, 2014

To Fall In Love.. A Valentine's Weekend Hangover

What does it feel like to fall in love? To have tingly feelings about a person. To look forward to hearing their voice and seeing their face. To appreciate and respect them. To care about them more than you care about yourself. More than you care about anyone else. I wonder if it's the same for me as it is for you....

Honestly, I don't know. I don't know if love is just attraction, or respect, or just a simple recognition of another human being.

When we were young, we chased after our crushes through subtle notes and smiles from across the quadrangle. We asked friends of friends to drop the hint and gather recon from friends of other friends, and of course, there was MSN. And then when all the stars aligned, you got to spend an hour alone with them and all of these crazy emotions flew out of you. You held hands until your palms were sweaty and you shared naive kisses in the shadows. You kept all of it a secret except from your best friend, but sooner or later word got out, and you just loved to deny it over and over again.

That seems complicated. But man were those simpler times. There was no iffyness or flip-floppyness. Sex was not even in the thought process. You enjoyed those lame make out sessions, and you learned how it felt to fit into another person's arms. It was easy to know how you felt because you didn't even know how to over think things. Saying 'I love you' was just something you said to show how you felt at that moment. And if things got messy, you experienced the heartbreak, and moved on to the next crush.

I wish it had stayed like that. But sooner or later everyone grows up. Now there's sex, and commitment, and you feel the pressure to say the right things and do the right things. Make a move at the right time or else you lose out. Be extroverted or you won't get noticed. Approach strangers at the club. Use those weird online dating websites... It just seems like a real convoluted path leading to unhappiness.

I want to be a kid again. I don't want the pressures of giving a fuck about what people think. I want to experience those love tingles without having to analyze their greater meaning.

I want to unlearn how to fall in love so that I can feel it for the first time... again...

1 comment:

Nasreen said...

wait till you are 30 :D you are still young and 20 is too early to be in love... its just infatuation most of the time... :)anyhoooo! valentines is over rated and i only got around to celebrating it after i got married. that to just coz we are both so busy with work that we need these excuses to take out time for ourselves.