Extreme rant vol 2 ch 1 A spot to think

Theres this feeling... like when you eat a handful of of sugar... you shake, tremble... tremble.... laughter is easy to come by... theres this feeling

a smile withheld, it feels nice that you can smile... a look in your eye, a look withheld... pure joy!! Theres no other word for it! JOY!!!

When everything seems to fit.... NO!!!

when there is nothing to fit!!! THERE IS NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!

life is like a donut! sweeeet... when i am eating my donut... i don't care about what is happening around me! i am SELFISH as ever!! a sheepish smile... a trembling leg.....

The pure joy of seeing joy in someone else's eyes.... Shandy come running up to me... tongue hanging out... pure joy!!!! theres no other word for it!!! JOY!! i felt it .. it was unavoidable...

Every person has a special spot to think.... a place of complete solitary... a place of complete silence.... i found my spot yesterday... it was on the tennis court... not in the middle of the tennis court... but in a corner, on the side... where i was picking up tennis balls... those who play the sport will relate...

nyhu... its not important where this spot was.... its what i felt there... breathing came easy... concentration was no effort... and i became crystal clear... simply because i didn't need to understand me... just like when you eat a handful of sugar at once....the feeling... the feeling.

p.s done in a hurry... just how i felt right here and now... so don't think too much into it :P:P

Extreme Rant Vol I Ch 5 ...... What the hell is he smoking?

there's this emotion... i don't know what to call it... i can try and describe it... but i would have to use words that only i know of.

It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

Harmony. Such a sweet word. Rhythm. Groove.

What is harmony? or rather, what does it stand for? Have you ever experienced harmony? The sweet strange sensation that is more than seen, more than heard, more than felt.
A shiver runs down my spine as i close my eyes, and look up into the heavens. A smile. A world without questions. A world without answers, and yet, a world without ignorance. light. darkness. light. darkness.

Do i understand? Should i understand?

I feel a sudden jolt of pain. It feels like death. it disappears in an instant. calmness overcomes my body... The tension of my muscles fade... I feel relaxed.

I am scared to open my eyes so i keep them shut, but i can still see.

I see a flower, swaying in the wind. It is red, beautiful, but i feel emptiness.
I see a shadow. A shadow in the dark. Vast.
I see raindrops, falling like little stars. I can feel them as they hit my face.

There's this emotion, It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

Shameful

theres this emotion... i don't know what to call it... it can best be described as desire, but not quite enough. Anxiousness? Paradox?

It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

theres a certain entity that exists within all of us... something called our conscience. Have you ever done something, or felt something that you know was purely wrong? A thought that pops up in your head for a split moment...
And for that moment, you hate yourself... you are not at peace with yourself at all. And because of this, you are not at peace with anyone, or anything.

You feel hot. You are burning... you avoid all eye contact. You give an outwardly sheepish smile... but inside you are thinking "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???"

theres this emotion.....

Extreme Rant Vol I Ch 4 ...... Off Beat = My Philosophy rant

The hardest part about writing something, for me, is the beginning... how do i start with what i have to say... so today... i am going to start like this....

Now that that is out of the way :P:P ... I have a philosophy about life (one of my many that is :P:P) ... not life in the sense of 'life' ... but more on our existence.

I believe that each and everything/everybody follows a certain rhythm... everything we do, say, write, see etc.... is all part of a universal groove... for example, this post that i am typing, my fingers, they follow a rhythm, an unavoidable beat. Maybe it is the influence of music on me... but i do sometimes identify the groove.... and it feels so sweet... when everything seems to "fit".... in time, in one voice, in unison....

sometimes we have to just stop... and look around us... it is amazing what we find... i found a beat...

just think about it...

capability rant

theres this emotion... i don't know what to call it... it can best be described as desire, but not quite enough. Admiration? Paradox?

It makes me smile but i know it is not happiness. It makes me sad but i know it is not sadness.

I hate capability.... capability means that you are capable of doing something in the near future, but not exactly at that present moment.... last Wednesday, i had a tennis session. We were made to play matches. I lost all my matches. But i knew that each match i lost... it felt wrong... i knew that i could have won each and every one of those matches, but there was something in me that held me back.

I love the game of tennis... it is my passion... but when i got onto the court that day, i was not comfortable... i was tense... anxious...

Pessimist:
They say failure is the stepping stone to success.... i think that is absolute bull... each time i lose, i feel lost, i have no confidence left in me... how can all that lead me to success??

Optamist:
They say that bouncing back from a failure is a quality found in leaders... Today i will go onto the court again... make it my domain.... and i will hunt. come failure, come success... i don't care anymore.... i will play my heart out.