change

shaun marion got traded to the heat, and shaq came to the suns.. marcus banks' story got lost somewhere in between...

change is hard. its really hard. letting go is worse... leaving something behind and moving onto new things... we did it in that poem .. Journey of the Magi... something about every death being a necessity for a rebirth.

i remember as a kid... when i was over at Sahil/Kapils place... i never wanted to go home.. i would fight with my mom to let me stay over after a party... i never wanted it to end....

its in my nature to hold on to things tightly... never come down from the high of the rainbow...even though coming down might carry the possibility of a pot of gold tomorrow...

as a kid... i was innocent... i lived in the moment and i never wanted that moment to end.....

so tell me... am i wrong? am i wrong in wanting to live this moment forever instead of growing up and learning something new? please tell me


p.s sorry nishant... im not really bothering about punctuation... i know it might be more difficult to read and all that... but im really too lazy :P

Extreme rant...where to begin.. simple perfection

i have a lot to write, but im not going to write it all at once, because each post is very different from the other.. im going to start tho with this one. its an i-like-to-return-to-the-classics kind of thing dating back to the time when there was this emotion.....

well...theres this emotion :D its momentary, a flicker a snatch of for-the-lack-of-a-better-word-enlightenent.

I don't know many basketball players personally. Infact, i can count the number of people that i know enjoy the game. I play basketball, and i know many a person that finds this strange, because like all sports, it is a very strange avocation.

But theres something enchanting about basketball. For that one moment, one split second, when i jump and toss the ball with subconscious-awesome-precision, and the ball finds nothing but the bottom of the net... swwwwwwwiishh

that is perfection. It cannot get better than that feeling, that moment of elation-joy-awesome. It is then that i feel that nothing separates MJ the great from Udai the 5'7" tosser. The next shot could be a brick, but it is in that moment... that moment...It cannot get better than that.

Extreme Rant - Amalgamation

have you ever felt like the world around you is falling apart. just like a bad dream or a really horrible movie that you dont really want to watch, things begin to go wrong. theres this intense feeling of lonliness as if you are the only one who can see these things around you fall apart. nobody can understand the feeling i feel right now. i am the only one who feels it. others could feel the same way as i do. they could experience the same twist of emotions, but there is only one me. you cannot be me and feel this.

sympathy is hard to come by in a world of shameful silence. i type these words being an utmost hypocrite. a cynic and a useless bystander... chosing not to do anything about it...

when had i made this choice?

have you ever felt like you are missing out? the intensity of an mp3 recording is near to lifeless. the songs on the radio seem to forever be trapped. the winds seem restricted.... the rain falls with permission... so whats left? why does time play these tricks with me. i know that nobody belongs to time... and yet we all do belong to time... why does it tempt me with things it cannot give me?

everytime i jump, i come back to the ground. two feet high... maybe a few more inches... and then i return. one second... maybe another moment... and then i return.

everything that leaves the ground must return, a law discovered by a man who sat under an apple tree. it was nature that showed him the light....

who is nature? can i befriend nature, request her to change her laws... to make an exception.

i have gone through this moment so many times in my head. i dream about it, even when im not asleep... and yet i dont want it bad enough. if i wanted it so much... if i needed it... i would grab it with both hands, because i can see it...

it lies on a shelf... 10 feet above my head...

so now i stand at a junction and i ask you... whoever you are... to give me strenght
give me strength to rise above myself... to flood this land with the awesome passion that fills me...
or else drain me... drain me and my spirit and my soul... for i shall be worth nothing but dry dust that covers the walls in eternal wait.

Ramble On

New Year's Resolutions:
1. To be awesome.
2. To fly.

Extreme Rant Vol. umm,... lost

He sat and stared at me from across the small living room. The silence was building and i knew that he was going to tell me something that i didn't want to hear. He looked down, his eyes closed, and then as if unsatisfied with his search for the right words, he looks at me and says, " I dont like your attitude. i think you are arrogant and disrespectful. right now, if you continue to act this way, you will go nowhere."

Have you ever had to listen to the truth? You know that its going to hurt, and you know that you made the decisions that lead to to this situation. now you have to hear it and its going to stink.

So often i brag about my goal in life. I talk of this journey of self discovery and understanding. how i want to know and understand myself better so that i can come closer to answering that almighty question...

Who am i?


Today, I've lost myself. I've been searching so hard that I've slipped and fallen on the ground that has carried me thus far. How do i feel? I feel blind. Blind because in every direction i turn, there is no answer.... because i don't know whether my decisions are responsible anymore.... because i have failed to see myself. I have let my mind slip, and every time i catch it again... i begin to lose grip of it once more...

silence is temporary... i have to get up and walk away from that flame, because theres always something to do next.